I'm (23M) finding that I really resent my brother's (20M)fiance - for a variety of reasons that are resulting in me not wanting to be the best man at the wedding. What's the best way to cope and move forward?

So I'm going to apologize up front, because this post will be long and disjointed. It's kind of a mixture of a multitude of different issues, but I'll be trying my best to make it coherent and readable.

The next thing to mention is that my brother and his fiance are both the same age - 20. They are getting married young, and we've tried to dissuade them, but it's simply not happening so we just try and make the best of it. From here on out, I'll refer to my brother as Eric and his fiance as Donna (I'm watching That 70s Show as I type this, so... I'm super original, I know.)

Alright, on to the main story! Eric was always my best friend growing up. We were always very close, played lots of games together, spent lots of time together, etc. Once he moved in with his fiance, I started seeing him less, which is understandable. He moved in with his woman (this was before they got engaged) and needed to put her first. But as time went on, I started seeing him less and less.

Our main connection was through gaming, and we used to play lots of games online together, but he started doing that less and less. Allegedly (he hasn't actually admitted this to me, but this is the situation that my family has kind of pieced together) Donna made him get rid of his computer because he played it too much after coming home from work, and didn't give her enough attention. So our main source of "bro time" was gone.

I tried various times to set up stuff to do, but he would always make excuses. And whenever he would agree to do something, Donna would always come with him. Not that I have anything against her (to be honest, I've never really liked her but I've never loathed her. We've just never clicked) but when I want to hang out with my brother, I want to hang out with just him.

We started to notice that he wouldn't come to anything without Donna. We're a big Star Wars family, and Donna doesn't like them. So when The Last Jedi came out, I tried to get Eric to go with me, knowing that Donna wouldn't want to go anyways. But he kept coming up with excuses, waited until I bought it on Blu-Ray, and then borrowed it to watch.

Another point to mention is that my family is pretty religious (especially my mom), and Donna is not. I'm not particularly religious myself, but other family members are. When Eric moved in with her my mom struggled with that, but in the end she decided that she's much rather have her son in her life than shun him for making a choice she didn't agree with and has been fine since. But I feel like Donna has always kind of held that against her, and she obviously hasn't outright prevented Eric from spending time here, I feel like she has a passive dislike for our family because of it and tries to shy away from spending excess time with us because of it.

I feel like at this point, I've painted Donna in a fairly negative light, which may be partially true, but I also don't think she's a terrible human being. I think she's a little emotionally needy and isn't the biggest fan of our family, but I honestly don't believe that she's truly manipulative. I really believe that Eric is just trying to make her happy and do things that make her happy, but unfortunately that has resulted in him basically disappearing from my life because Donna isn't super crazy about us.

As close as we are, Eric and I have never really been ones to talk about super personal issues like this. I've mildly brought it up and tried to set up things for us to do, but he always flakes out and I've come to really resent Donna because I feel like this is because of her. I know that this is something I should discuss with him, but I'm also worried about approaching it because I don't want to upset anyone. I'm not trying to stop Eric from marrying Donna, but I feel like no matter how I'd bring up this issue that he would take it the wrong way and get bent out of shape because of it.

Their wedding is next month, and if the wedding were today, I honestly don't think I'd want to go. I'm supposed to be the best man, to shower them with love and compliments and talk about how great of a couple they are and how excited that I am they are getting married but I can't do that because it would all be lies. I'm not excited that they're getting married because not only have I lost my best friend, he basically doesn't exist in our family anymore. I understand that moving in with someone and getting married results in them starting their own family, but should that mean also completely cutting out your existing family?

TL;DR: My brother (who used to be my best friend) moved in with his fiance, who I believe doesn't particularly like us. Because of this, I feel like she's slowly stopping him from seeing us and I'm starting to really resent her for it.

Submitted September 26, 2018 at 09:28PM by WhiteWolfofUtah https://ift.tt/2OVSjZR