I [26M] decided to take a break from my best friend of 6 years [25F] because we started having feelings for each other but she has a BF and nearly cheated on him with me.

I've [26M] been best friends with her (Jane [25]) for 6 years. 4 years ago I started developing feelings for her and confessed as I thought she had just broke up with her long distance BF. Turns out she hasn't and rejected me. I confessed and got rejected 2 more times after that within a span of a year. We decided to take a break from each other until I can resolve my feelings for her.

The break lasted 6 months and not long after, she moved home (we were both studying overseas. I decided to stay). Things returned to normal and not long after that I dated someone else. We would occasionally text and when I came home to visit my family I would always catch up with her, it felt like nothing has changed. I convinced myself that we were just friends and believed it at the time. My ex eventually got jealous of her and we ended things (this wasn't the only reason we broke up, we were just incompatible in so many ways).

After the break up I grew even closer to Jane and I would tell her EVERYTHING, even though we were a couple thousand miles apart we never lost touch. Although I met and dated a couple people after that, I think I was denying my own feelings towards her and tried hard to convince myself that we were just friends.

She would often tell me that although she loves him she chose to be with him because he's the safe option. She would say she's not entirely happy in her relationship saying they had no chemistry/can't see a future with him/she's scared of leaving him because she may not find someone else etc. This would always give me some hope that she'll eventually break up with her bf.

Fast forward 8 months (now), she is still dating the same guy, doing long distance. She went on holiday to visit me and the rest of our friendship group. She came with me to a university ball, I didn't think much of it as we went with our friendship group. After a couple drinks we got flirty with each other and SHE kissed me on the lips. I was shocked, I didn't know what to think at the time but I had so many chances to kiss her back.

After ball I took her home to her friend's place and she told me to stay over because she wanted me stay up with her as she'll be flying the next morning and didn't want to miss her flight. I told her I didn't want to cross any lines and make her a cheater out of respect for her (she would put her head on my shoulder etc). We did ended up falling asleep together in the same bed without anything happening. My thinking at the time is that I didn't want to start our relationship this way and was hoping she would break up with her bf after this trip. She flew back home the next day and I felt like we were both confused about what happened.

I asked her to talk and confessed my feelings for her again saying that I would still want to date her. She finally confessed that she's been having feelings for me too and was already willing to cheat on her BF that night as she was feeling "curious and morally weak" so that "She can be sure of what she truly wanted", but she said that the moment has passed and said it'll never happen again. She was hoping that her feelings for me will just dissipate over time.

She still decided to stay with her BF and won't tell him about what happened that night. She admired me for doing the right thing. I told her that I can't keep falling into this cycle because it hurts me so much. She got upset and thought that our friendship isn't enough to overcome my feelings. She begged me to not throw away our 6 year long friendship. In the end I decided that I needed to "take a break" indefinitely. She didn't agree with my approach initially but later texted me saying it was for the best.

I feel extremely gutted that I've lost my best friend of 6 years that I've had strong chemistry and feelings for. I know she's been stringing me along for so long but it still hurts to lose her.

Did I do the right thing? Maybe if I waited longer she could've realized she wanted to be with me?

Knowing the final outcome, I can't help but regret not doing anything that night. Even though I know I'll be the bad guy in the narrative at least maybe we could've finally been together.

TL;DR: Been best friends with a girl for 6 years that I've had feelings for. Found out recently she had feelings for me too and was nearly willing to cheat with her bf for me, but I resisted because I didn't want to make her a cheater out of respect for her. Decided to cut all contact indefinitely.

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Submitted September 28, 2018 at 06:56PM by Eggz43 https://ift.tt/2OX9p9P