UPDATE: I [25f] plan to ask my FWB [29m] if he’s interested in a relationship. Is this a good plan and/or should I delay?

Original post

He came over as planned. Pretty immediately started talking about how we’ve both been sad lately, which was nice. Just being there for each other. After we ate dinner, he suggested we go cuddle, which led to sex. After sex when we were cuddling he did what everyone told me not to do: brought up our relationship.

And he’s not interested in more. In the kindest way humanly possible, he told me that with his previous relationships there’s been a point where he knew they were for him, and that’s not happened with me. He said that he doesn’t know if it’s something wrong with him or if we’re just not romantically compatible in his eyes, but that’s how he feels. I got the dreaded “you’re great, but…” speech where he listed all the reasons he cares about and respects me, but none of the reasons he isn’t interested more.

I didn’t tell him exactly how I felt because I would’ve started crying, naked, in his arms, and while I’m working on emotional vulnerability, that would’ve been a bit too much too fast. Instead, I told him I was asking him on a date to explore some confusion about how I feel about him. I told him I‘m still confused and may need space, and he said that’s fine and was happy that I was able to tell him that, and that I can just let him know. He told me that he’s resisted bootycalling me when lonely because he doesn’t want to use me that way, and that more important than any of the sex or intimacy is our friendship, and he wants to do anything he can to preserve that. I agree.

He hugged and kissed me a bunch before he left and I just wanted to shove him out the fucking door so I could cry. I almost wish he’d been cruel so I could be angry at him. I plan to text him today and tell him that I wasn’t totally honest because vulnerability is hard, that I did want more, and that I’ll need space to get over that, but also our friendship is the most important part and I’ll let him know when I’m ready to continue it.

TLDR: He has no romantic interest in me, but was nice about it. I’m devastated, but all I can do is tell him I need space and hope I can heal enough so we can continue our friendship.

Edit: to everyone saying he’s an asshole for waiting until after sex, I disagree. Before we had sex he had pretty much no reason to think I want more, we’d been hanging out and having sex for months and it’s not been an issue. I chose not to bring it up before. I don’t feel used or anything like that; I’m honestly happy we had sex, even though I know it has to have been the last time. Which wow that fucking hurts, but I really don’t blame him and I don’t think I’m being too forgiving.

Submitted September 28, 2018 at 06:05AM by u_g_h_ https://ift.tt/2xGe61a