My (35M) wife's (40F) disabled mother (74F) is moving in with us and I'm afraid it is going to ruin our 10 year marriage. She's not your typical annoying MIL , much worse.

Warning, wall of text - but suffice to say this isn't your typical MIL move in post.

My wife and MIL have a toxic relationship. Most of it is related to my MIL allowing her ex husband to savagely beat my wife as a child and refusing to leave the realationship, even lying for her husband when my wife was finally old enough to tell someone. It only stopped when he abandoned the family for a younger woman and eventually died.

Despite this my wife has saved her mother time and time again. MIL had a Brain tumor when we first got married and her husband at that time wanted to refuse treatment. We basically kidnapped her , took her to the best treatment center, paid thousands of dollars out of our pocket to ensure she got the best treatment and let her live with us for 6 months , my wife quitting her job to be her caretaker, getting her to rehab before moving her back home when she was well enough to be self sufficient. She was given a second chance by my wife. Her husband never visited in that 6 months.

How did she repay my wife? A few months later called her on her birthday and accused her of stealing $300. Keep in mind she had lived with us for 6 months, we took care of everything, including thousands of dollars in medical bills but her husband had become enraged over a check she had written to my wife when she offered to help with some bills ONE time. She actually threatened charges so my wife despondently hung up, I immediately wrote a check (it wasn't about the money) and a letter about how much she had hurt my wife and they only spoke rarely for the next 5 years.

One of those conversations was an intervention to ask her mother to please pay for a long term care policy as now that we had children we couldn't repeat the financial commitment we had made earlier. it was about $300 per month and we offered to pay half. Her mother is high maintenance and spends quite a bit on herself but refused to pay anything so we didn't do it.

Fast forward to 6 months ago, MIL had a serious fall and her terrible husband let her lie on the driveway for 3 hours because he didn't want to pay for an ambulance. He got his redneck kids to pick her up and take her to ER further injuring her. She was completely unable to walk for 4 months and now is barely able, has trouble dressing herself and going to the bathroom.

Of course my wife saved her again because her husband had her in a terrible facility and she was calling my wife begging to be saved. We took her to a rehab place near us (we live 10 hours away from her home) her insurance paid for 90 days but the last 3 months we've been paying thousands out of pocket while hoping she can qualify for PACE. She doesn't qualify because she's still married and her husband has plenty of assets. He refuses to visit or help out with bills. Her only option is to divorce him and sue him to sell the assets to get herself some sort of cash or at least qualify for Medicaid. She's been kicked out of her current assisted living for refusing rehab and berating staff (she's racist) we simply can't afford to put her somewhere else so until she is divorced she's going to have to live with us.

This is a depressing reality and my wife has admitted she hates her mother, gets no joy from their realationship but feels responsible for her care. We have a two story home with our master on the bottom so we are having to make our kids share a room and sleep in a small guest room upstairs for the foreseeable future.

This would be easier to swallow if MIL was grateful or helpful in anyway. She's bossy, entitled, horrible to our children, and just a weird petty person. This isn't just my opinion, I've sat in my wife's therapy sessions and heard her say all these things about MIL.

My wife knows how terrible she is, how much I dislike her (but don't show it to MIL) but I understand how my wife has to do this. Any tips on making it work? I honestly don't want to be at my home. I'd rather work late, travel more and be out of that place. I love my wife and kids and would miss them terribly but MIL makes me miserable and my wife miserable abd she lashes out at me and the kids. Gonna try to suck it up and deal with it but the future isn't bright

TL;DR: horrible MIL moving in for foreseeable future, I'd rather go get my own place, need coping tips

Submitted September 29, 2018 at 07:49AM by Throwawaymanic654321 https://ift.tt/2OZyd15