My husband and I have been together for a bit over 3 years. Last October, we got drunk together and got into a fight. I had never been drunk before and he got me absolutely trashed. Like, I didn't fully know where I was and at one point I fell down and couldn't get back up. It was bad. Before drinking, he knew I was really nervous about it (I come from a very conservative Christian home and have some hang-ups about drinking) and he promised to stay only just kind of tipsy since he was far more experienced than me. Well at one point in the night he started chugging drinks. I was very nervous and hated the feeling of being drunk. I tried asking him to slow down and he said okay, but then proceeded to grab my drink and chug the whole thing right in front of me, kind of as a way to throw it in my face. We'd been having some problems, so I think that's why.
I started to get pretty upset, reminding him of his promise, and his response was to grab the vodka and start drinking it straight from the bottle. He was extremely drunk at this point. I tried to grab it from his hand, but he held it up very high (he's a foot taller than me so it was easy for him to keep it out of my reach). I tried to jump to grab it, but he pushed me down and I fell on the floor. I got back up and tried to grab it again, but this time he looked me right in the eyes and started choking me with his one free hand. After a few seconds he must have decided that was enough because he let go (with an aggressive sort of push). He started putting his shoes on and grabbing his keys, so I started to call the police (afraid he was going to drive). He got up and hit my phone out of my hand and went back to putting his shoes on. I called again and this time he didn't hit my phone away. I told the dispatcher I was afraid he was going to start driving, but I also said he was being physically violent. The point of calling the cops in the first place was really just to keep him from driving so drunk, but the other part just slipped out.
Anyway, the police showed up and arrested him, which I had no idea was going to happen. I was scared and still a bit drunk, but it was one of those moments that made me sober up quickly. He had court the next day and denied ever touching me. He ended up with a no abuse order and on probation with no alcohol and random testing. He, of course, learned the system very quickly and was drinking normally the entire time.
So here we are over a year later, and he still gets very mad at me sometimes for getting him arrested. I apologized every day after it happened, did everything I could to make it better, asserted my marital privileges so that they couldn't make me testify against him... But ultimately he still lost his job (as a school bus driver) and couldn't stand me for it. He has hardly ever apologizes for choking me, and still even denied it happened sometimes. He has had me totally convinced it was in retaliation to me grabbing the bottle out of his hands and starting the physical altercation, but because I'm a small woman nobody would ever side with him. I still find myself apologizing and him bringing up being mad at me for the situation.
Where do I go from here? I've started to feel like I'm taking crazy pills. No one else knows about the situation so I can't get any advice. It's just my feelings against his. He's said he doesn't want to be with someone who thinks what I did was okay, so I've convinced myself everything I did in that situation was wrong. He's told me it's almost all my responsibility to fix the mess we now have... But is that right? He told me today he was still angry sometimes and that I need to help him keep track of all the things he has to do for this, which I have been doing for a year. I'm losing my mind here. Someone please give me some guidance. Were his actions just self-defense? Do I keep trying to help? Do I stay?
TL;DR my husband choked me last year while he was drunk after I provoked him by trying to grab vodka bottle from him after he was shitfaced. I called the police and he was arrested and charged with domestic violence and strangulation. He sometimes still denied he choked me. He blames me 100% and says I shouldn't have started the fight by trying to grab the bottle from his hands. He's claims self-defense and truly thinks I'm crazy for what I did. Where do I go from here now that it's come he's still mad at me for it? I feel crazy. Was I wrong? Was it self-defense? Should I be staying? What do I do?
Submitted December 21, 2019 at 10:48PM by amicrazyicanttell https://ift.tt/2PJIpgR
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