Ok so we’ve been dating like 8ish months if that means anything.
Anyways, I have issues- and a lot of them. They are pretty bad and living every day with them is not a joyful experience. Some I’ve had since I was in somewhere around 7th grade, and now I’m a college sophomore. So some of those have had years to really ingrain themselves (things like eating disorders, anxiety, etc.). And a year and a half ago I got out of a VERY toxic relationship that I had been in for 2 years. It was a terrible breakup. I tried many times to break up with him until he let me, but then he “tried to kill himself” (quotes bc he lied about it) and said it was my fault and just a lot of stuff lmao and it really, really took a toll on me. So yeah, that whole 2-year relationship really did some major damage. Many bad things happened in that relationship. And at the same time of the breakup, something happened again that was not good. All of this still affects me a year and a half later and it hasn’t gotten better. Some of these things have gotten so bad that they are starting to physically affect me and my physical health. This is also on top of everything else that already existed and a few more events that followed.
Sorry, all that information didn’t really need to be said, but I think it’ll help put into perspective how serious this is.
I’ve tried to get better on my own, and at best, I’ll go a couple months feeling good (with a week or two of bad days), but it always gets bad again. And somehow, it’s always much worse than before. Over the past year and a half everything has just plummeted, I’m lower than I’ve ever been. And I know that only I have the power to change myself but I think its time for me to get professional help. I don’t believe I can do this completely on my own, as evidenced by past several years of my life.
However, now I’m in a relationship and of course, it’s affecting it pretty hardcore, especially because now we’re out of that “honeymoon phase.” It’s been rough lately. I can’t hide my problems forever and he now knows all of them and how bad they can really be. I don’t want this relationship to end because of me.
It’s taken nearly 7ish years to build up the courage to actually get help.
My boyfriend is aware of my issues and the things that happened. He’s worried about me all the time and I hate that he has to feel like that, because he shouldn’t. Some of the things that happened affect our sex life as well. He is terrified most of the time because he doesn’t want to accidentally touch me in the wrong way. I want to change that. I want to be normal. So I thought he’d be at least a little supportive of me getting help.
However, when I told him I think I’m gonna try it, he was 100% NOT happy about it. He thinks it’s stupid. He thinks that I am the one who is going to change myself and that “getting help” is just making an excuse for myself. I mean I understand where he’s coming from but, at this point, I truly don’t think doing this on my own will do anything. I know I’m a strong person but right now, I’m just not strong enough. I’m exhausted. I need help getting back up. Plus, I have absolutely no clue what is normal. I have zero grip on reality and what living normally looks like. I just need someone to help me out here.
I try explaining this to him but he says that I shouldn’t think these things about myself and that he can help me. But, it will absolutely wreck this relationship if I confide in him as not only a boyfriend, but also a therapist. That’s why there are real therapists out there! He has a life of his own and problems of his own! It’s way too much for him to take on mine too. So I hold things back from him and he gets upset when I do. But I don’t know what else to do because all it’s gonna do is worry him and stress him out if I were to tell him how bad it actually gets. Again, that’s why there are therapists! Actual trained professionals! But again, he thinks this is an excuse and that me not getting better is because I’m lazy and I enjoy feeling this way. That one really hurt. But yeah. I don’t know what to do. If I tell him I’m going to do it anyways, I’ll lose his respect and make things worse. I don’t want to lie to him and do it behind his back though either. So now, I’m continuing my life as is. I don’t know what to do.
Sorry that’s so long.
tl;dr: I have a lot of issues. Some have built up over many years, some are a result of things that have happened within the last year and a half. Some of these things have started to physically affect me and my physical health. Point is, they are getting really bad and I have finally built up the courage to get professional help. I told my boyfriend this and he does not support me at all. He thinks me wanting to get help is an excuse and that it’s stupid. I don’t want to lie to him and go do it behind his back. But if I tell him I’m going to do it anyways, I lose his respect and make everything 10x worse. What do I do?
Submitted September 28, 2018 at 03:22PM by beanbean99 https://ift.tt/2OXbNgV
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