I've been with my boyfriend for 3 months. The first two months of our relationship, we were at camp together, so basically in very close quarters which allowed us to spend a lot of time together, sleep together every night, etc. so I do feel closer to him than I normally would in such a short relationship.
In the past, we've had talks about how I feel that he doesn't put effort into showing me that he cares about me. By this I mean things like sweet gestures, buying me flowers, or event taking me out on dates. I also told him that I want to go out more, as most of the time when we spend time together we just hang out in my apartment. He said that he is really trying but doesn't know how to go about showing me that he cares.
I decided that I wanted to celebrate our 3 months, even though it isn't a big deal to me I thought it would be nice to do something special for it. He wasn't able to see me on that day, which was two days ago, so we made plans for yesterday. He was supposed to pick me up and we would go out to dinner. Instead, when he showed up he said that he ordered ubereats and we could eat it at my apartment. Which is the same thing that we do almost every time I see him. He said that he didn't want to go out because we didn't have enough time (he had to leave by 7, he got to my apartment at 4). It made me really upset that he decided this without telling me, especially after knowing how much I hate that we never go out and do the same thing all the time. It also hurt my feelings that he didn't do anything special for me either. I wasn't expecting a gift or anything, but some sort of gesture would have gone a long way to making me feel special and cared about in this relationship.
I tried to ignore it and act like everything was fine, but he could tell that something was wrong and finally I gave in and told him why I was upset. He got very upset himself, and promised he would make it up to me next time. However, he also said that he felt like sometimes I don't notice the things he does for me. He pointed out how he woke up early that day to beat me to sending him a good morning text (I usually set an alarm for 6 am so he'll get the text right before he wakes up), and how he had ordered 2 of my favorite kind of cookie when he ordered the food. This made me feel guilty, because I didn't want to make him feel unappreciated. But he did only point out things that he did for me that day, I don't think he could even think of anything else he's done for me in the past.
I talked to my roommates about it, and they all pretty much agreed that I should break up with him and date other people. They told me I need to be with someone who "treats me like a princess" and makes me feel special and cared about. They also didn't care for the fact that he doesn't open doors for me or things like that. One of my roommates even said that he only told me he feels like I don't notice things he does for me to make me feel guilty. I definitely see where they are coming from, but I really like him. I care about him a lot and I would be heartbroken if we broke up. He is such a kind and good-hearted person. He makes me laugh all the time and has been there for me all the time when I really needed someone.
Is this an issue that can be worked through? He's been saying for weeks that he's going to do better at making me feel cared about, but nothing has changed.
TLDR; I feel like my boyfriend doesn't put effort into showing me that he cares about me. We've had conversations about it, but nothing has really changed, and he even said he feels like I don't notice the things he does for me. My roommates say I need to break up with him and find a person who treats me the way I deserve to be treated.
Submitted September 28, 2018 at 08:32AM by SundayForJesus https://ift.tt/2NKoajT
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