Me [26F] and him [24M], 6 months. Is he abusive? How do I make it stop?

Wall of text incoming.

I don't even know where to start. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months now, and for the first couple of weeks it was great. In hindsight it was probably going way too fast not to raise red flags, but well. We talked all the time, met every other and then everyday. We where friends before that for a couple of months. I'm just going to list the two incidents that, added up, make me feel extremely weird now:

• he talked about marriage after two months. At the time I didn't really take that seriously...? I mean, who would? The conversations seemed kinda light-hearted and in a joking manner. If anything, to me, it was more of an "in general I'm not averse to marriage" thing, not an "I want to marry you in the foreseeable future". He handed me the documents needed to get married a couple days after and told me we could get an appointment now. I was taken aback and we had a huge blowout, where I made my point that no reasonable person could've taken anything we talked about as a legit plan to get fucking married right then. We talked it out. I chalked it up to a miscommunication.

• my roommate is my (male) best friend of 12 years, and we've been sharing an appartment für about 4 years now. My boyfriend was aware of this beforehand. He's met him. He started pushing to move in together after three months or so, and I told him that no way would I move in with someone I'd been dating for a couple of months. He started getting unreasonably jealous.

Exhibit A, our current spat: I contracted the measles (fuck knows how). I was pretty much bed-ridden for three weeks and, as common sense dictates, I did not want visitors, what with having an extremely contagious disease. I mostly quarantined myself in my room.

He was pissed that I only texted him once or twice a day and didn't keep up conversations. I told him that I physically couldn't spend that much time on my phone and that I needed rest. Yesterday he told me he had a nightmare about me and my roommate having sex. At this point, I was fed up with having to deal with his insecurity. He's fishing for compliments all the time, putting himself down and expects me to tell him the opposite and gets unreasonably angry when I tell him I'm not a replacement for his self-esteem or here to validate him every damn day.

So I told him "okay, what do you want me to say? I'm not responsible for your dreams". He blew up at me. Told me I could've said that of course that wouldn't happen because I only loved him, and why couldn't I just do that instead of making everything difficult. Then he kinda went off about how he hadn't seen me in almost a month (I'm still at home, what with the measles) and I spent the whole month with my roommate instead of him, so his fears where of course valid.

It didn't matter that I spent that month holed up in my room and not with anyone. He went all "yeah, I'm a piece of shit not worth talking to, I know". I told him that I'm tired of hashing this bullshit out again and I won't discuss this anymore period. So he told me maybe he should have a word with my roommate, quote: man to man, to "solve" this problem. No idea what that had to do with his fucking insecurity, but apparently according to him that was the source of our problem.

At this point, I was not only physically exhausted, tired, and sick, but really fucking done. I told him that I'm done with this stupid manipulative shit and I can't keep him from doing anything, but actions have consequences and I'm not letting anyone guilt or threaten me into anything. He back-pedaled. Went "it was just a joke". I told him not to insult my intelligence and I was done talking tonight.

Thing is, I seem to have some self-esteem issues of my own. Why do I let him do this crap and come back for more? Why do I chalk things up to "it's just a one time thing"? Usually, I end up thinking I must've done something to make him do this or that, and only when I write it out like this it seems clear to me that's ridiculous. But I doubt my own reasoning by now. He keeps throwing things I said in a fight weeks ago in my face and keeps twisting my words to a degree I don't even know what I actually said anymore. How do I make this stop? I'm at a point where I just want him to vanish, but the idea of breaking up makes me weirdly anxious, especially how he might react.

TL;DR: boyfriend is overly jealous and has low self-esteem, drives me insane. What do I do?

Submitted September 30, 2018 at 05:37AM by whtthfckthrow https://ift.tt/2y0iN5j