Rough Patch or Worse: I [28 M] am concerned that my relationship with my GF [27 F] is on the ropes and nearly over.

Hi Everyone,

I’ll try to keep this short and sweet. Also please excuse any typos as I’m posting this from my phone.

My gf and I have been together for 4 years now and living together for the past two years. Over this time, I’ve fallen so deeply in love with her and consider her to be one of my best friends and someone I want to spend the rest of my life with.

With that said, since I struggle a bit with communication, I decided to type out and print my feelings so they would be easier for me to say (more or less, I had cue cards). I let her know why I love her and need her in my life. I also let her know that there’s things we’ll need to work on together to be happy.

The latter was a grave mistake, that I fear we may never recover from.

To provide some background, over the last three years, my GF has been steadily gaining weight. And just recently, she understood that it was an issue. She’s changed her diet from primarily fast food (when we first met, she did not have a ton of resources or time to cook and eat effective meals at home) to a much more reasonable diet. Unfortunately, she hasn’t been exercising as much as she needs in order to mitigate the weight gain. As a result, her weight has been stagnant at the 60+ pound overweight range.

I understand the mental struggles she’s going through and the battle she’s fighting through, however, I made a mistake in communicating my concerns to her. I told her that I’m losing sexual attraction for her.

Understandably, it leveled her and we haven’t been the same since. Her joyous and cheery personality is missing. While we still talk to each other, the conversations are cold at best. She let me know that sexual compatibility is a big factor for her when it comes to relationships, and now that our compatibility is in jeopardy, a crucial element of our relationship is damaged. Additionally, her confidence and self-esteem has taken a considerable dip.

I’m scared that this is the beginning of the end for us. I don’t want to lose her, I can’t lose her, but I have no idea what to do if the sexual atttaction is not there right now. She seemed so defeated when I told her how I felt so I’m not certain how I can help her either. When we last talked it felt like she was telling me why she’s not right for me, and how she doesn’t how we’ll get through this.

I just have no idea how to move forward at this point and I really have no idea if our relationship, or a component thereof, has been permanently damaged.

TL;DR - Earlier this week, I told my girlfriend what I loved about her and why she makes me happy. However, I FUBAR’d by letting her know that I’m not currently sexually attracted to her. Our relationship has since took a turn for the worst and I’m not certain whether this is a rough patch or the beginning of the end.

EDIT 1: Shortly after reading off my cue cards, I told her with as much concern as possible that “I fear that I’m losing my sexual attraction for you.”

EDIT 2: Just because the sexual attraction may have decreased, it doesn’t mean I love her any less than I did two days ago. But perhaps the sexual attraction is a strong component of love that when it gone, inherently, my love for my GF has decreased. That’s something I have yet to understand and get a grasp on.

EDIT 3: To clarify, over the course of our relationship my GF has gained 60 pounds. Since gaining that weight, her weight has stalled at approximately being 60+ pounds overweight.

EDIT 4: No, I did not hand my gf a letter saying here’s why I love you, why I want to marry, why sexual attraction is gone, etc. It was a 15 bullet point cheat sheet that I kept it in my own hands to use as a reference since I’ve always had issues with communication and expressing myself. By writing it down I was better equipped to express my thoughts.

Submitted September 27, 2018 at 11:05AM by ThrownawayRomance04 https://ift.tt/2ImcUEn