We’ve been dating just under a year. Things have been challenging since the beginning because I didn’t feel he was being attentive enough. We seem to have fallen into a routine where he is the more dominant partner - we always spend time at his place (I live with my parents and he doesn’t want to impose - he lives alone so it’s easier). I’ve met his family several times, but he has met mine only once. I feel I’m always asking about his life and showing way more curiosity about his interests, than he does mine. When we go places, it’s usually ones he’s agreed to and I go along because I’m slightly more flexible. I don’t initiate as much because he’s reluctant to do some of the activities I’d like to. Lately I’ve observed that when I talk about my interests or observations, he gives short answers or doesn’t respond or connects the conversation back to himself. I’ve noticed his mind just wanders and he has a shorter attention span than me. We absorb our surroundings differently and I don’t know how to bridge the gap.
I feel dependent on him to an extent that unsettles me - I want to feel like I can talk to him about anything and he’ll listen to me and be excited at what makes me excited. But I get the feeling he’s more immersed in his world, and part of the appeal of the relationship is that I’m also willing to get immersed in his world. He told me that he likes that he can be himself around me, but I worry that this comes at the cost of me being myself around him. I feel like i’ve been making sacrifices in order to be loved, but I still come up empty and unsatisfied.
When I communicate my concerns to my boyfriend, he gets anxious, defensive, inadequate. I don’t know how to navigate these conversations in a way that will allow our relationship to grow.
The irony of all this is that our sex life is the one time I’m more satisfied than he is. He is more giving and attentive sexually than in other facets of our relationship. While i’ve enjoyed the attentiveness there, I worry I’m unable to satisfy him sexually. I’ve asked him what I can do better, but he has been reluctant in communicating his sexual needs, telling me he’s satisfied so long as I’m satisfied.
TL;dr: my relationship feels imbalanced - I feel like I give my boyfriend more attention than he does me. Ironically, when it comes to sex, this attention is flipped. Difficulty communicating all this to my boyfriend.
Submitted September 29, 2018 at 08:58PM by missie12345 https://ift.tt/2OYl6x5
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