Boyfriend (23M) became very upset with me (25F) when I went to a bonfire of a friend who invited him and asked him if he had weed.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for just over a year. We have had some issues in the past relating to me wanting more alone time and independence in the relationship. For example, I don’t like spending every night at his house and like to have 2-3 nights at my own place during the week, just for some “me” time and creative pursuits. I’ve told him several times that this doesn’t mean I don’t love him, but spending several days with one person can be draining.

This past week had been stressful for me because I was studying for the GRE. I gave up several planned social engagements because I decided studying should have my full attention. After I finished my test yesterday, I saw that a friend had invited me and my boyfriend to her bonfire she was having that afternoon. It was early enough in the evening that I would be able to go and still make my roommate’s EP release show, which I had promised a month in advance to go to, and which my boyfriend knew about. I was really excited to get back into my social routine after being a shut-in for several weeks.

I texted him and he informed me that this friend had invited him in a separate message. I met him at the bar he works at, intending for both of us to drive over when his shift had ended. Here’s where the problems start. His manager was keeping him a lot longer than expected, and it was likely that he wouldn’t be getting off work in time. I told him that I would still like to go to the bonfire since several of my friends would be there and that he and I could meet up at the show later and then have a bottle of wine after it was over.

He said that he was tired after being on his feet all day and that he wanted us to just go to his place afterwards. I said that I was very sorry that he was tired, but that he didn’t have to come if he didn’t want to, and offered to head back to his place after hanging out at the show for an hour (even though I wanted to stay for the entirety). He then said he was very uncomfortable with the text message that the host of the bonfire had sent him. He showed me the text, which said “Hey ___, I’m having a little get together at my place with a bonfire, just a small gathering with a few friends, and I would love it if you and anonanontoolong could join. Also if happen to have any “flowers,” I’d love to get some.”

She had bought weed from him in the past but we had also hung out as a group of mutual friends before as well. This friend is even joining us on a group camping trip, which my boyfriend initially seemed happy with.

He then proceeded to tell me that he didn’t want me to go to the bonfire because he thought that this friend was using him for weed, and that I should not want such a person as a friend. I was shocked that he would say this and never saw anything malicious in her message. From my interpretation, she wanted to invite both of us and restock as well. Once again, he had sold to her in the past and had never expressed any issue in doing so. I went to the bonfire anyway, stayed for 20 minutes, and then drove 2 friends to the show. My BF called me almost as soon as I got there and spent 15 minutes yelling over the phone that I don’t care about his feelings. Then he begged for me to drive over to his place and demanded for me to stay on the phone until I got in the car. I left my friends and the show I’d just paid for extremely early because he was emotionally distraught that I’d gone to the bonfire.

I’m still angry about the situation. I feel that he was primarily upset that I didn’t want to do what he wanted to do, and I personally saw nothing wrong with this friend’s text, and know for a fact that she really enjoys his company.

Am I in the wrong? He was so completely distraught but I just couldn’t understand his perspective and still don’t.

TLDR: My boyfriend thinks that a friend was using him for weed after she invited both of us to a bonfire. He is angry that I went to the bonfire regardless. I think the argument that ensued was ridiculous.

Submitted September 30, 2018 at 09:36AM by anonanontoolong https://ift.tt/2P1UBqn