My husband and I are going through a rough patch. It all started two years ago when we lost twins at birth and then I almost died. I was very ill internally and somehow my doctor never caught this until it was very nearly too late.
I became friends with a man in July who I would ask for advice on how to get my husband to open up emotionally because he was very withdrawn and refused to talk about my, or his, grief with me.
On September 2nd he found a message on my phone from my male friend and completely lost his shit. Said I hurt him and I was being unfaithful (friend and I were going to have lunch). He just “knows” I was going to sleep with him. I wasn’t, and never would.
Immediately after this, he started messaging with a female coworker whose husband had just left her for another woman she didn’t even know existed. They have talked almost every day since. It’s been hell because almost right away it turned flirty.
Long story short, last night husband says there’s nothing left in our marriage, no reason to try, trust is broken and he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. But this wasn’t how he felt until he and the coworker started talking so inappropriate that he calls her beautiful, sweetness and the like. Actually said to her in one message that he wished he met her thirteen years ago, he and I have been together thirteen years. And this gem, “I wish I had someone who is half of what and how you are”.
He has done this once before with a coworker only it was an actual affair. I left him over it in 2015. But, before I knew of the affair he gave me the high risk for cervical cancer hpv. See, current coworker told him early on, before she reciprocated the flirting that she didn’t want to be the other woman because of what had just happened to her. He said that is not his intention and she bought it. Now, here we are.
My question is, should I tell this woman that everything he’s told her is bullshit. He lies to her constantly. Puts on his best, most encouraging, supportive act for her. He is NOT like this in reality. He’s actually a bit of a sarcastic asshole.
Because he’s so wrapped up in her, he won’t hardly let me even touch him. No hugs, cuddles kisses. Unless of course, he wants to fuck. Then it’s ok.
I am thinking about telling her this. That he never wanted to “separate” until her. He’s told her that he was done before they started talking, not true. And I know he will not ever tell her about the hpv. When we were separated before, he had a few partners and never told one of them, before or after.
I know I owe her nothing. But I want her to go away. If my marriage implodes I want it to be without outside influences. Should I reach out to her?
TL;DR should I tell husband’s emotional affair parter/coworker that he’s full of shit and has a cancer causing STI?
Edit: Okay, I hear you. I feel like I need to add, she’s made it clear she wants no relationship within at least the next year. Her current goal is to work on herself. She’s told him recently that she’s had “every husband “ leave her for other women (this one has been gone a month) and she wants to figure herself out to see why this keeps happening. Apparently, she believes she jumps too quickly into relationships.
The heavy flirting, like the expressions I mentioned and pet names, are all from my husband. She participates mildly in the flirting, nothing like he does.
Also, forgot to say we have two older children besides the two we lost in 2016. A 14 year old boy and 11 year old girl.
Edit 2: Alright guys, I want to say thank you for all the support, condolences, and the ‘WTF, dumbass, type comments. I think my real reason at finally posting about what’s going on is I needed some other perspectives. I mentioned in a comment my support system is basically just my dad. I wanted to know that is ok to leave him even though we’ve got children. I know it sounds stupid, but being born and raised in the heart of the Bible Belt and attending a Christian school for ten years, some of that old school shit is just ingrained into you. Despite being an atheist now. I’m still not sure how to go about this, the logistics of it all (I’ve got no help moving furniture!), breaking the news to my children, and telling husband that I’m all good with separating. Don’t know what to expect there, being without a vehicle, a job and of course money. But the more I think about being away from him, or remember from three years ago, the more relieved and happy I feel. Like I can breathe deeply again. He’s beat me down for so very long, I’ve just lost myself.
Submitted September 28, 2018 at 05:57PM by DirtyNothings723 https://ift.tt/2RarJOr
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