I have ghosted my emotionally abusive boyfriend (29M) that I was spending thousands a month on. How do I repair my self-esteem and life?

Title kinda says it all. I posted here before, but I deleted it because it made the top post and I was very scared he'd see it.

I finally cut him out after making a post here and getting so much feedback that he was entitled, bratty, and actually manipulative. Some people might remember the post, he was the guy for whom I bought everything. Most people said he was a user or an abuser, and a few said I was enabling him by doing everything for him. I agree--I was, I just never meant to be. It felt like it happened gradually until it became everything.

I was doing things like buying him groceries, supporting his vet bills, and even finding him jobs. He had moved back into his mom's house. He was still unemployed after years, not seeking education and not trying to improve his life.

He was a king at making everything into an "us" problem. For example, he might say we need to work on our sleep schedules. Me, shocked, would be like "oh, um, what do I need to work on?" Since while I sleep in time to time, my schedule is fairly consistent as I often have early morning appointments for work where I was recently promoted. He'd cite I woke up at noon...on a Saturday...and I'd be like yeah but every other day I was up before 10AM. I would say he woke up at 4PM most days, noon a few days, for the past FOUR weeks, so maybe he should try a schedule.

Then we'd have a huge fight.

Eventually I stopped correcting him. I would just agree with problems that became an us problem even though it would hurt to admit it or say it since I didn't think it was something I did. Eventually the us problems became me problems even when I didn't do the behavior. It sucked.

He would always tear me down, and always find ways to complain. Today he started off by saying he was really miserable, so I instantly was brought down to his depression. There was no way to cheer him up either; his anxiety made it so he felt bad and paranoid he was somehow dying, but he refuses to take medication, so we just have to live through (suffer through?) these incidents. I asked him what could make him feel better and the answer was nothing, but he still wanted to hang out. He ranted for about an hour over voice chat. I had today off from work due to working extra hard this week and suddenly was just exposed to all this negativity from him waking up at noon with misery.

I just kept thinking of all the Reddit comments asking what I got out of it. And when he finally blew up with me, as he always does, I just checked out.

Right now I feel supremely empty. I didn't even tell him why I'm going, it would do no good. He never listens to me. He was just yelling at me over a video game (our team was like 0-10, 0-9, and I was like 0-1, he was like 7-1 so he begin to blame me which didn't make sense since our team was playing way worse than me) and I just hung up the Discord call after he told me I was awful to play games with, removed him from everything, and blocked his number. I'm sick of feeling like this doormat to channel his misery. I love him and he is (was) my world, but it's like all he has are negative things to whine about or criticisms of me and I'm just so tired. Even if I buy him things he needs, he'll thank me briefly then within an hour whine about everything being awful.

It's always something. I feel like he would win the lottery and within an hour it would be a new thing: maybe he'd feel tired, so he would think he had a tumor, or something. He's incapable of actually not complaining.

It's like he's addicted to feeling bad for himself. No job, lives with his mom, and refuses to see a therapist/get medicated.

However now I'm just... sitting here... and I feel so alone. Like somehow he's the only person that ever loved me or ever will love me again.

What do I do?

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TL;DR my boyfriend lived off his mom and was pretty emotionally abusive. I was spending thousands a month supporting his lifestyle. I have ghosted him. I feel very empty and alone. How do I stay strong?

Submitted September 28, 2018 at 02:58PM by Daynnite87 https://ift.tt/2Na7HQA