Is it okay to go out with friends to a bar every couple weeks, without your significant other?
I invite him every time but sometimes he doesn’t want to go. When I go out with friends, I like it because we might get a drink and always head to the back to talk and laugh together. We can also listen to live music, and because the town is so small, everyone sort of ends up there, so you can run into people you care about.
But my fiancé says that he only thinks I should go on special occasions. He also told me earlier this week that he only thinks I should hang out with my female friends on Friday or Saturday night, asking “Is that torture?” He thinks I should not have the desire to go out with friends to bars. That I should know that that is not okay in a relationship. I tried to explain that I agree people should use their own judgment in relationships, but there are some things that we, or any other couple, are going to feel differently, and it’s important to talk about what you’re not comfortable with.
He explained that it was wrong to him because going out twice a month alone with single friends looks bad to other people. It’s also dangerous, and the atmosphere is geared more toward people looking for sex. I wouldn’t be able to control everything that could happen, like some large guy grabbing me or something.
I tried to explain my point of view and clarify his, but he mainly took everything I said as an attack on his feelings. I said I’m not asking you to justify, just clarify, and he said I’m using “playing dumb” as a defense mechanism. When I suggested he give an example of how often it’s okay to go to bars, he got angry and asked something like, “do you want me to make a chart, a graph for you?!” He thought it was stupid to quantify it because then I would look at it as “I didn’t use it last month, so I’m going to cash in going to a bar this month.”
Most of our conversations recently have turned out heated, but I don’t know what to do about that. He just ends them by saying that I should know better and that he has expressed his point of view. And if I don’t know better then we have a problem in our relationship.
How can we compromise? Is this something to compromise on, or is it something that I should just naturally know and never do? How can I work on showing that I’m not trying to attack his feelings and poke holes in what he is saying when we communicate?
TLDR: This semester, I have been going out with female friends to a bar for a couple hours about twice a month. Though I invite him, sometimes he doesn’t want to go, and he feels I should know automatically to not do something like that.
Submitted September 29, 2018 at 07:16AM by Help88808 https://ift.tt/2xNNSKi
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