I don't know what else to do. Some background: my mother is a hardworking mom, works plenty of OT, works a FT and PT job bringing anything from 75k-80k a year, and she pays for most of the bills. My sister, a recent graduate from UCLA, is at home helping my mother pay the utility bills like water and electricity, and is also in a lot of debt from student loans. I help pay for the phone bill for our family plan. My dad has been unapproved for social security and has had a bad back for the past 7 years or so, is clinically depressed, and very mentally unwell overall. He sees a psychiatrist weekly and was in a nut house several months ago for being a threat to himself.
My mom gives my dad $1k a month and he spends it unwisely. My sister and I don't agree with her giving him money, but she says that he becomes childish, suicidal, and depressed over not having money.
Since I try to budget the best I can, I noticed an $30 increase in the phone bill-- I saw that my dad got a new iPhone, and it's costing an additional $30/month for 2 years. That is a whopping $760. When I confronted my dad, he got very uncomfortable and gave excuses as to why he needed a new phone. I told him that the following: there's cheaper options, I can't afford the extra $30 and that I can help him set up the phone bill to where it will only bill him $30 for his part, and that I don't believe in paying for a luxury item because he and I cannot afford it. He gave excuses and insulted me saying, "Don't lose sleep over it. I'll take care of it." Okay... Billing came and he did not take care of the $30.
My mom and sister thought I was being jerk about $30, but it's the simple fact that I CANNOT afford an extra $30, and if he wanted a new phone, he should be held responsible for paying it. When I offered to set help set up his payment for his monthly phone payment, he was avoiding it. Why? Because he knows he doesn't have the money! Did he get a new phone so that I will pay for it??
I called him irresponsible, and he became very defensive and told me that it was rude to say that, and claimed that he's responsible. Okay... That's why he's filing for bankruptcy or the 100th time, right? He's also manipulative and tries to guilt trip me by saying things like, "I took care of you when you were little" etc...
Yesterday, something happened that worried us (edit: we thought he was missing) where it prompted me to get into his e-mails... I became too curious and saw that he has almost reached his credit card limits for two cards, and the minimum payment was $900, and that his credit score recently dropped.
I considered helping my dad with his credit card debt if he really wants to get help, but deep down inside I know that he won't change. I tried to tell my parents to go to couples therapy (for professional mental and maybe financial help) as well, and they don't think they need it. I feel like everyone is being an enabler to him.
I know the financial burden my mom goes through, and I offer her help for whatever bills she needs help with. She has mentioned that she puts the money from her PT job in a separate savings account for herself, and that she is worried about not having enough retirement funds in the future
TL;DR You get the point here... He is terrible financially. We don't know what the fuck he spends $1k a month on, we don't know HOW he got into so much credit card debt, etc... He's in denial about being financially irresponsible. He thinks materialistic shit will make him happy. What can I do to help, do I just accept that my dad is irresponsible?
Submitted September 29, 2018 at 06:13AM by gdithrowaway91 https://ift.tt/2Iq5GyZ
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