I am an expat in a foreign country. I've been with my girlfriend for 15 months. When I met her she had just moved back to her birthplace (where I live) after living and working on the islands, running a guesthouse. She has been back on the island for a couple of months and is helping her "business partner" sell his guesthouse as he will move back to his country next month.
I found out last week that this business partner is actually the father of her child, whom I had no idea existed. He is the owner of the business and she is there just to help the sale of the business and to take care of their daughter. The child will move with the father to his home country next month as she will begin school, and the country we are in has an extremely poor education system. I confronted my girlfriend about it and she admitted everything and got two flights to come back to where I currently am to talk about it. The first night, I told her that I will give her the opportunity to let me know about any more lies and I would look past them, but only if she told me that night. There were a few more - they were to serve this lie and to prevent me from finding out.
I've asked her why she kept such an important thing for me and she says she was embarrassed. The child was conceived on a one-night stand and they have never been a real couple - staying together for the child until two years ago when they apparently couldn't anymore as they were arguing constantly and it wasn't good for the daughter. I've privately spoken to the father and he has corroborated everything she's told me so I don't believe she has been cheating.
She has always been a very closed-up person and has severe family issues - she doesn't know who her real father is, and her mother is constantly causing problems (most recently pawning her car without telling her) and asking for money. I knew she had issues with opening up but I just cannot believe she would keep something so serious from me.
After many long talks this week about it, she's told me she believed I wouldn't want anything to do with her if I knew, and it just got out of control. She felt embarrassed to have an unplanned child with someone who wasn't a partner, and is devastated to be losing her daughter but knows the move is best for her future. I understand omitting this when we met at first, but to keep it for so long is so shocking. I completely trusted her and am very hurt.
I personally believe she truly is a good person - it seems she's done a great job raising the kid and she was always so kind and generous before all of this. I want to believe that everyone makes mistakes, no one is perfect, and everyone deserves a second chance... I just don't know if the trust can be rebuilt - I've never had a breakup like this.
Has anyone heard of a slightly similar situation? Is the relationship salvageable? Or is this unforgivable? I love her very much but I'm not sure what I should do.
TL;DR: My girlfriend didn't tell me about her 4 year-old daughter. The daughter will move to her father's home country next month. She says she didn't tell me out of fear of losing me, and embarrassment of having an accidental child with someone who wasn't even a partner (and very upset about the daughter moving but knows it is best for her education). I want to, but am not sure I can trust her again.
Submitted September 28, 2018 at 10:43AM by eatoreos https://ift.tt/2xVE14r
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