[UPDATE] I'm [27F] feeling undervalued and a non-priority to my boyfriend [28M] to the point where I think it might be best we break up

Original post is here. My boyfriend [28M] and I [27F] had been dating for 8 months. We hit a rough patch where we hadn't seen each other a lot and I was starting to feel very distanced from him. Our communication was totally out the window and he wasn't putting in effort into the relationship anymore.

We had a phone conversation later the day I made the original post because I didn't know when I'd see him next. We decided it was best to end things at this time. He came over last night to bring me my belongings that he had at his place. We had a good conversation and it reaffirmed my initial thoughts that he wasn't in a good mental state and was pushing things away to avoid confronting them.

He told me his feelings are completely dulled right now and the only things that register for him are anger, frustration, and guilt. He said he couldn't remember the last time he was excited, except for two years ago when he accepted his current job. I told him that I think he's registering the excitement he would have experienced then would be like top level excitement, such as the feeling of achieving a major goal, but not all excitement is at that level. I don't think he understands that all not emotions are so extreme and passionately felt, which I can understand because his career demands extreme feeling and physicality.

I told him I don't want him to live with so many what ifs or the grass is always greener mentality because it's not a positive way to live. He agreed that he does live with a lot of probability in his head and regret. He said he has been going in and out of these funks for 4ish years and that made me think he's unaware of the fact he might have some form of depression because all other aspects of his life are fine, but not his personal wellbeing. He works out and he's social, but he's not feeding himself emotionally. He told me he thinks he'll regret not actually trying to work on things together and I said I was upset that he hadn't, but I understood.

I thought about it more after he left and I think he checked out of himself emotionally about a month ago. An action of a friend hurt him and he just kind of shut down after that. I get this feeling that he doesn't know where he belongs in the grand scale of things, and that's totally normal, but he just needs to figure it out for himself.

One thing that confused me a bit was that he got kind of upset when I told him that I'll miss him but to make things easier for me I can't follow him on social media anymore. I'm not sure why this bugged him but I explained that to move on I need to not be reminded of him whenever I'm on social medias. Overall the conversation itself was good. It was nice to see him one last time and I'm glad we had the talk because there's no ill will or anger in this, just hurt feelings and sadness.

TL;DR: My boyfriend [28M] and I [27F] broke up. I think his mental health is in the dumps and he doesn't really realize it. I wish we could have worked through this but it didn't end up that way. I'll miss him.

Submitted September 28, 2018 at 08:26AM by ImmediatePurpose https://ift.tt/2N7GRJ1