I live in a sharehouse with my friend, his girlfriend and another roommate (who we are not really friends with).
They've been dating for two years (they've known each other for 5/6 years though) on and off until recently when she moved in with us, things got more serious between them.
For starters, she doesn't really have empathy and that's just a fact, she's aware of it and my friend knows it. She has "cognitive empathy" which means she only feels empathy for people who went through similar experiences, she feels empathy on a certain level. I can't develop on this subject, i dont know enough about it and it's not something I would usually judge someone on but when you put everything together, it becomes an important detail. I even noticed that I've never even seen her scared or cry, never seen her stressed out or emotional, I have anxiety and she doesn't even understand it.
She says she absolutely LOVES my friend but she talks to other men and girls (she's bisexual), my friend and she had several arguments about that but she apparently has trouble respecting boundaries, she always goes back to her old ways. I love my friend a lot, he was there for me in difficult times, he's like a little brother to me, he's sweet and innocent and sensitive (she said she loves sensitive men and women...) and it does suck to see him disrespected like that. I've noticed that she tends to push the boundaries a lot and make things somehow become acceptable for her to do.
She pressured my friend into having sex when he didn't want to, he was feeling a bit off a month ago, I asked him repeatedly if he was okay, he said yes and eventually he told me he didn't like that she pressured him into having sex one night, she guilt tripped him apparently, wore him down until he said yes which I find disgusting. He said she has a very high libido and that it was fine because they're dating but I disagree and think it's pretty fucking shitty of her. She also apparently told him, she felt a slight turn on when he talked to her about it which is fucked up, but she apologised, made it up to him, she's been doing nice things so she did feel guilty about it.
She's really into serial killers, now I know that a lot of people these days watch serial killer stuff on Netflix, youtube, it's a very popular thing and not uncommon at all but she's very interested in it. She's always watching serial killer interviews, reading books, she says it's one of the only things that fully get her attention because it's fascinating... When someone really pisses her off, like pisses her off so much that she turns red, she says shit like "ugh I wish I could kill this cunt" or talking about her previous manager, she said she could definitely torture her if it was legal. I find that a bit extreme, she probably doesn't mean it but still, creepy as hell.
Now this is probably the creepiest thing. One day, she asked me if she could borrow my laptop, she forgot hers at her parent's home and my friend was working from home on his, I rarely use mine and I was out all day so I said sure. Couple of days later, I was curious and checked the history, it was just Facebook, Facebook, Facebook... but I clicked on it and somehow it was still logged in, in a fake account. I snooped around and it was a full on fake profile with friends and posts, I checked the messages and there were messages between her and my friend's ex girlfriend. What I found out from those messages is shocking, my friend randomly mentioned, a long time ago, like about 3 years ago? that his ex girlfriend was being harassed by someone online, that whoever it was kept making accounts, just to fuck with her and reveal very personal things about her life to people she knows, as a result, his ex thinks it's someone that's very close to her doing these things.
It was my friend's girlfriend all along!!!! I couldn't believe my eyes. In those messages she was telling her that she has a crush on her, all sorts of weird things, and was just generally messing with the poor girl. The way she massaged her was so different from how she usually messages as well. There were multiple other people she messaged, all family or friends of my friend's ex, and in those messages, the way she types is different too, that's crazy. I know you guys will probably hate me for that but at the time, I was freaking out about her knowing that I know her dirty little secret and I was shocked by the whole thing tbh so I deleted the history and the cookies or whatever so it logged out of Facebook and deleted the accounts that were on Facebook. It was so stupid because I realised that I could've just shown that to my friend... Things is this girl is smart, she's definitely not dumb and she's manipulative AF, I feel like she wouldn't just forget about logging out, maybe she wanted me to see it? I don't know, it's just weird that she'd forget to log out.
There are always two sides to a story, I hope I didnt demonize her too much because I want an unbiased opinion. I don't think she's a good person but she's definitely not a horrible person, i wouldnt go that far, she can be caring and kind to certain people. If you met her, you'd probably really like her, I did too at first. She's beautiful, she's charming, she dresses well, she can get any girl or guy she wants, sometimes she's quiet and will spend all her time in her room, not talk to anyone but my friend but sometimes, she's very sociable, funny and our friends will always want her around if we have a gathering because she makes everything more fun when she wants to. Sometimes she's in a bad mood and she drags everyone down with her. She's shy with some people, loud and fun with others, she's very nice and warm with some, but shitty and cold with certain people. I don't understand her to be honest.
Obviously, I talked to my friend and told him that I don't think that his current girlfriend is a good match for him and I gave him a few reasons for that, I didnt tell him about the Facebook stalking thing because without proof it's pointless, it will just start arguments and damage my relationship with her too and I don't want to find out if she can make my life hell as revenge. I thought he would at least hear me out but he was having none of it. He said that he knew that I was looking out for him but that he was disappointed that I couldn't see how happy he is with her, she seems like she's very much in love with him too but the way she is, it could all be an act for all I know. But then again, maybe it isn't and despite the fact that she's weird, maybe she really does make him happy and the rest doesn't matter?
I don't know what to think anymore, was I an asshole for telling my friend they're not a good match? I genuinely think they aren't, I don't think she's a good person like I said but maybe he's right, and all that matters is that they're happy. What she does in her spare time, as fucked up as it is, it is non of my business... But like I said, I love my friend, he's very important to me, he's like the little brother I never had, and I feel like I should look out for him..
I feel like if it was a man instead of a woman, everyone would think that his behaviour is weird and creepy.
TL;DR my friend got mad at me for telling him that his girlfriend is not right for him.
Submitted March 20, 2021 at 07:16PM by throwthislifeaway95 https://ift.tt/2PdiNvb
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