My (28f) husband (34m) shaved off our son's (7 months) head when I thought I explicitly told him not to

**Shit I mean he shaved off his hair!! Shaved his head! *No baby was harmed in this post*

Hello everyone,

my husband and I have a 7-month-old son. Ever since he was born, my husband wanted to shave his head because the hair was growing in varying lengths (first longer at the sides, then longer on top) and he thought it looked ridiculous. I didn't want to shave him because I don't want a stubbly head chafing my skin, I liked the fine, soft hair and I thought he looked cute. Once you shave, it never goes back to the way it was.

For the last 7 months, he would bring it up every now and then, I said no, I don't want that, I spend much more time with him, I like to stroke his head while breastfeeding, he's just a baby and doesn't have to have his hair at even lengths.

Now we both are very stubborn and I knew I couldn't keep pushing the issue and we would eventually have to compromise. So when he brought it up again today, I tried to think of a compromise and said maybe we could trim the hair instead of shaving so it doesn't get so stubbly, and that I wanted to be present when anything happened. He returned that because of some very short patches trimming was no good and we *had* to shave. He was about to leave for his brother's with our son, I wanted to stay home and try to sleep a little, and I said, "So when I wake up, you'll have shaved him? I don't want that, I don't want that.". He told me, "No, no, not today, anyway". When they returned, he had shaved our son's head completely.

So, his version of our conversation is:

He thought I said I was okay with trimming, but as he explained to me that it was no valid alternative, I effectively, implicitly, agreed to shaving. The "I don't want that" he interpreted more as a "I don't feel 100% comfortable but I know it has to happen", and he told me "not today" as a kindness so I wouldn't fret and be able to sleep. And he can't remember me saying I wanted to be present.

I don't see how he could convince himself that we agreed on anything, because we really didn't. I never said I was okay with it, quite the contrary, actually. I feel disrespected, ignored and angry and when I see my son or touch his stubbly head I want to cry. I don't know how I can trust my husband not to ignore my opinion and make decisions for our son on his own in the future.

Am I overreacting? Since I guess I would have agreed to a trim in the end, as a compromise, so what I am talking about is a few days time and maybe 2 centimeters of hair. But as a compromise we agreed on, not like this.

So, my questions are, how can we get back to a good place? What can we do to mend the trust and respect issues? Where did we go wrong, was I wrong to push the issue for months, am I overreacting, should I just tell him not to do something like that again and try to get on with our lives? I kind of fear that he opened a door to making bigger and bigger decisions without including me and I feel like I have to prevent that, but at the same time I don't want to complicate our lives more than necessary over something as trivial as hair (although hair is not trivial to me, I am rather partial to it, in general).

TL;DR My husband shaved our baby son's head against my will after 7 months of talking about it and one conversation today where he misinterpreted me trying to compromise as agreement. I feel ignored and disrespected and want to prevent anything like this from happening again while maintaining a healthy relationship.

Submitted March 29, 2021 at 03:21PM by Long-Zookeepergame52 https://ift.tt/3w8QT4r