My (35M) wife's (35F) grandmother (87F) came to live with us in the beginning of the pandemic. She's from overseas and cases started rising rapidly in her country. She moved into our downstairs master bedroom. My wife and I have been living upstairs in our guestroom even before she came and our two toddlers' rooms are also upstairs. We did this because we just moved my daughter to her own room. Her grandmother speaks very poor English and I don't speak her language so we don't talk at all. It's extremely awkward being around her.
Two months into the pandemic she told my wife she was going to leave. I think she sensed I was uncomfortable with her being at our home. Things were still bad and me, wanting to maintain a friendly relationship said she can stay a bit longer. I regret this so much. I figured she would stay at most two more months. Now it's been a year and there's no end in sight.
With her in our master bedroom, we have a new bedroom set and mattress that I have never slept on that's now used. I have to get my clothes for work in the beginning of the week and if I forget something like a sports coat for a meeting, it's extremely uncomfortable waking her up for me to grab something like out of the master closet. She changes with the door open and I've accidently walked in on her with her bra on multiple times. She does some dishes and laundry and cooks once in a while (according to my wife, she wants to help and needs to feel useful). She took my seat at our four person dining table as soon as she arrived and I had to pull up a chair at the end.
I'm increasingly growing resentful of her and am starting to be resentful of my wife. She's interrupting the lives of a young family. Days we won't get back. My wife and I were talking about having an anniversary dinner at home and can't even do that because her grandma is here. I've told my wife that I don't even feel like it's my home anymore and am miserable. She's apologized and says she's trying to get her to go, although I don't know what or how exactly she's trying. This is causing to the also be more and more resentful of my wife.
It's also frustrating because her grandma has at least five grown kids in their 50s and 60s. Two live within 20 miles of us. She has probably 10 grown grandkids. I feel like she can easily stay with them too and we've been overly generous with her being here.
In addition, she's been fully vaccinated for months now, but due to a combination of the status of her home country and fear of getting on a plane, she's still here. I'm also well aware that if I put my foot down and say she has to go, and she gets covid or dies, my wife will never forgive me.
Any insight or advice on what I should do is appreciated.
Tl;Dr wife's grandma stayed with us during pandemic. She was planning to leave early on and I said she can stay. Now she still hasn't left a year later.
Submitted March 27, 2021 at 10:11PM by elkeveeno https://ift.tt/2O0gHOZ
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