Original post here
I (27F) posted a while back about my boyfriend (50M) being indifferent about marriage and only willing to get married to appease me. Among some other relationship challenges, this became a dealbreaker for me, and I have broken up with him since my post.
This has hands-down been the most difficult breakup I’ve ever gone through. We only dated for two years, but I felt like we were together much longer. I had a very strong connection with him, and breaking up was heart-wrenching, because I still have feelings for him. Still, I know it was the best decision for me. The pain is still there, however, and he is not making things easy for me.
I have moved out of his house (which I lived in and contributed to financially for the duration of our relationship). I miss him terribly, as he had become my best friend and confidante over the last couple years. Despite my repeated discussions and explanations regarding my reasons for wanting to break up, he continues to make himself the victim. He says he feels used, and when I try to explain my own despair over having to end the relationship, he simply says, “It’s okay. I always get hurt eventually. I’ve come to expect it.” He also thinks I am being unreasonable about marriage, and that he “put up” with a lot in our relationship, but that I was not willing to put up with his aversion to marriage. When I asked him what he put up with, he cited a 6-month period where I struggled with depression and he had to provide me with more support than normal. I am appalled that he would hold that over me like I was just being lazy that whole time or something. He said it affected him too, but seems to have no regard for how it affected me—the actual person with a mental health issue.
He also said that even if he had wanted to be married, he wouldn’t have considered it yet, because I hadn’t put in enough time in the relationship to earn his trust. He said I was being impatient and insensitive to the fact that a marriage is inconvenient for a man of his age, and that weddings are expensive. He acted like I was going to make him pay entirely for a lavish wedding and then divorce him and sue him for everything he has. It hurts that he really thinks I am capable of such things, and that he clearly thinks I didn’t love him. If I just wanted to use him for his money or whatever, I would still be with him.
Clearly there were some resentful feelings there that have only come to light since our breakup. I know I made the right decision, but I could use some cheering up from the Reddit community. These last few weeks have been horrible. I lost my best friend and partner, and I feel like he has turned completely against me and marred all the good memories I have of him. I have also been tossed out of my home and forced to look for a new one at an incredibly emotional time. If any of you have some advice, encouraging words, or anything uplifting to say, it would be greatly appreciated.
I would also like to thank the Redditors who commented on my previous post and gave me the courage to do something difficult and painful that will ultimately lead me down the path that’s best for me.
TL;DR: I broke up with my boyfriend that didn’t want the same things as me, but now I’m left feeling lonely and heartbroken. Please offer any kind words or sentiments you may have.
Submitted March 28, 2021 at 08:08PM by tweedle_dee23 https://ift.tt/3diJTcm
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