I'm (32F) a lesbian who married a gay man (31F) in a homophobic country and he's trying to get us to relocate, or else he will out us both to force the situation.

Edit: 31M not 31F, for my husband... Wishful thinking lol

I won't say exactly where for privacy reasons, but it's in a European country. You can probably guess. English isn't my first language so sorry for any awkward phrasing.

I married my husband 3 years ago due to parental pressure on both sides. We've known each other since we were young, 3 or 4, so everyone always kind of expected it anyway, and due to being so close we're the only ones who know definitively about each others sexualities. If we were to be open, we would be disowned from both of our families and our communities, and it's just never seemed like a viable option to be ourselves. Plus, my grandma is very well off as my grandad left her with a lot of money when he died and I'm sure if she I'm a lesbian she would write me out of her will - and we are talking a sizeable amount of money that would make a huge difference in my situation. With it, we could certainly afford to move abroad and start anew, however because I'm a preschool teacher and my husband can't work due to Fibro myalgia there's just no way it would work right now without taking huge unnecessary risks. The downside is that my grandma is only in her 70s and very healthy (this may sound cruel, but she isn't a very nice person and was very emotionally abusive to my mother growing up) so it could take 10-20 more years of waiting to get the money needed.

I've noticed in passing months that my husband has been growing more and more restless and frustrated with our situation. Even though we love each other to death obviously we're not compatible bedroom wise and although for a while he seemed fine with waiting to have that sort of relationship with a man, now there are days where he snaps at me all day at the slightest thing and complains that he might as well still be living with his sister because he feels so unfulfilled. It's very hurtful to me because I am his carer but I can see his frustration. Don't get me wrong, he is a wonderful friend and we have a lot of fun together but we both felt so pressured into this because people were starting to make comments (neither of us had ever dated anyone before) and over here those comments aren't harmless, they can destroy careers. As a teacher especially, many parents may be of the opinion I shouldn't be around their kids.

Anyway, recently my husband provided me with an ultimatum. Either we move by the end of this year, or he will put us to both sets of parents and my boss so that we'll be forced to move because of the environment that would put us in. I knew he was getting frustrated but this was honestly the last thing I expected and I can't even talk to anyone in my real life about it, which is why I'm asking for advice here. It seems like I'm in a impossible situation. I've tried to discuss this with him more in the hopes of him reconsidering which started out positively but now when I bring it up, he'll go from smiling to literally turning away from me and refusing to say anything like a child. It is so frustrating. If I pick up a weekend job and if we live even more frugally we might have enough to move out by the end of the year but he's given us a ridiculously brief timespan for planning and I feel like I'm drowning. Also, I have no idea what to tell either of our families - at least with the inheritance money it makes sense why we'd suddenly move abroad to somewhere nicer.

Any advice appreciated

Tl;Dr Husband wants to move out of the country before the end of the year because we're both gay in a homophobic country or else he will threaten to out us both. Including to my boss. We don't have the money and I'm to receive a large inheritance but he's sick of waiting.

Submitted March 29, 2021 at 09:45AM by GroundbreakingGift31 https://ift.tt/3rtGFrD