We had our first year anniversary the other week, but she brought up the fact she was thinking of separating or divorce about a month ago. She says that this marriage isn’t what she thought it was going to be. She thought we would travel more, go out more and experience life. The two years before getting married, I worked 60 hour weeks and my wife was going to school full time. We stayed home to save money for a house and for our wedding. We haven’t done anything together for some time, but I love her desperately and I feel she has nothing but resentment for me.
I got furloughed from my job due to covid a week after our wedding last March, luckily she had a great paying job throughout. I work in live events, so I couldn’t find another job like that. I did some odd jobs here and there for family, and when I brought up that I would look for work anywhere ie: gas stations or grocery stores, she would say that we don’t need to do that, that her job is paying the bills. I wanted to be available for when work did come around again, considering I got a decent raise right before covid happened.
So I remained furloughed till my work started picking up a bit in September. Not full time hours, but some days here and there. I figured that wasn’t enough, so I started applying heavily for new work in October, filling out applications every day, and every day getting rejected. So instead I decided to go a different route, I’m currently taking a computer programming and web development course that will make me job ready in that field when I’m done in May.
Now she is saying I didn’t provide for her. That if the roles were switched, she would’ve been able to get a job. That I didn’t hustle enough. I suppose that is true, even with her saying I didn’t need to go get those small jobs, I should have applied for them anyways.
She says she never had the opportunity to live on her own. She wants to separate for a few months, but deep down I feel like she wants to completely leave me. I feel weak, and everything I say makes it worse. We have turned into roommates, but I want to get that spark back. It doesn’t seem like she wants to. Whenever she is home she wants her space, I give it to her, but then we end up not talking the entire week. I want to talk to her and spend time with her, but she’s done.
When I made those vows to her, divorce never became an option for me. I want to be with her during the bad times. But since I can’t provide, she has second thoughts on the marriage. I don’t know what to do except get marriage counseling. We had one already, and she agreed to not separate till we bring it up in our second session. She says that the separation is her idea of fighting for the marriage, that if she didn’t want to be with me then she would fully file for divorce. But it’s hard wether to believe that or not.
I don’t want to lose her, I know I need to be strong, but I don’t know how right now.
TLDR: I’m losing my wife and I don’t know how to cope.
Submitted March 27, 2021 at 09:39AM by Kurts_Vonneguts https://ift.tt/3cr6hkI
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