I am in my fourth and final year of uni and a 6-hour bus ride from my family. My step sister and her two kids have come home to visit the family for the Easter break. During this time, I technically get a week off from uni. Unfortunately, I have assignments to do during it, due at the end.
Three months ago, my stepmother asked passive-aggressively if I would come home when my stepsister did. I said I would if I didn't have any assessments to do.
A week ago, my stepsister asked if I was going to come home to see her. I gave a maybe response because I was still a little unclear if I would have any assessments. Turns out I did have some significant assignments, but I didn't tell them this yet.
Today I called my stepmother to check-in. Immediately, she said my stepsister was upset that I wasn't coming home. I was a bit confused as I didn't yet give her a definitive no or yes answer. I told my stepmother that I couldn't as I was too busy. I work my butt off to get good grades, and a lot of the time, I have to sacrifice me time. In the past three weeks, I have not had a single day where I didn't have to study, and I am only in the 6th week!
Also, my Dad and step mum have told me numerous times how proud they are that I am in uni and how hard I work and that I should put study first.
My stepmother then said that my stepbrother has managed to visit my step sister numerous times. Besides my stepsister (I have 5 siblings) and me, he's the only one in the family that has moved out of the same town and is a 1.5-hour drive away. If I don't come home, she also said I may not see my step sister and her kids for another three years. Guilt-tripping is my stepmother's main tactic, and no one ever pulls her up on it. She puts family on a pedestal when it suits her. When she is working and has to miss a significant birthday or her grandson's prom, it's okay, but she gets agitated when anyone else does it.
I just said nothing I can do about my workload, and I simply won't be coming home and hanging up. My own mother and my related sister 100% agree where I am coming from and said not to let my stepmother and stepsister guilt trip me. Besides, there is no room for me to stay. I would have to sleep on an air mattress in the lounge room.
I have always been close to my stepbrothers but not my stepsisters. This is because my stepbrothers are around the same age as me, and we grew up together; however, there is a 15 and 20-year gap with my stepsisters. They moved out of the home before my Dad even got with my stepmother, so we aren't as connected. Despite this, I can't help but feel selfish for my decision to stay where I am and not come home for the week-long break.
I'm tired of always being guilted and made to feel selfish whenever I make a decision that looks out for my own wellbeing. Usually I just give in to my stepmothers demands, even when it's not convenient, and it usually makes me miserable. Now I am putting my foot down, but I am left feeling like a selfish arsehole. Am I in the wrong? Should I just bite the bullet and come home for the family?
tl;dr my stepmother is guilt tripping me about not coming home to visit my stepsister and her kids, even when I told her I am swamped in uni work, there is no room for me to stay, and the commute is 6 hours one way. Now I am feeling conflicted.
Submitted March 31, 2021 at 04:07AM by Kiah0001 https://ift.tt/2O9djBg
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