Brian and I have been together for 6 years, engaged for 1 (and long-distance for almost 1). We have issues with communicating at times but have been trying to work on it. One of the issues that pops up is around money.
Brian has a tit for tat complex and doesn't understand that we are at different standing when it comes to finances. His parents are well off and have been pretty much paying for everything for Brian. I on the other hand have always had to work to support myself and now have to help my younger sisters financially (15-18 yrs of age) as my family is not doing so well - lost my father to cancer last year and my mother cant work. Work-wise he makes 6 figures and I have a great job myself that pays well however I'm currently studying postgrad Med so I can't always work and I have to be mindful of saving up for upcoming couple of years where I won't be able to do much work at all.
Now because of the fact that I have a job that pays well, he thinks we are in a similar footing. He had gifted me a laptop few years back as a birthday present and is now claiming I need to get him a laptop for his birthday as he's in need of a laptop. This topic of laptop has been the cause for many fights - as he kept rubbing in the fact that he got me a laptop as a present - and claimed I needed to get him a present of equal value. I never demanded that he should get me an expensive gift and hated the idea that it should be tit for tat esp as I can't afford it. I introduced a budget limit for gifts so that we could avoid this issue - however it still somehow comes up.
I tried to explain to Brian I couldn't gift him a laptop even if everything else lined up - as I'm currently a student however hes purely focusing on my income, ignoring my financial responsibilities. He also brings up how I can just drop med and focus on my work thats paying well as in his eyes Im just wasting time and money on it when I could be earning a lot more through work. - i constantly have to remind him that what I do isn't for money- its for myself and its not like Im asking him to financially support me through it- Im supporting myself, I just need him to be reasonable
the part that bugs me the most is hes using this as an exuse not to pay me back money he owes me. This is yet another issue - I went to visit him interstate and when I was there he wanted to eat at expensive steak houses despite me being clear on how I couldn't afford these. He once again argued about how he seems to think he knows better on what I can afford but to cut a long story short we went. I got something small he spent over 100 on a meal and I had to pay at end with the promise hed pay me back his part. Now though when I bring up how he needs to pay me back - he responds with how I need to purchase him a laptop.
I can't seem to express how what he's doing is completely unfair as he seems to think that somehow I'm being unfair, we had this discussion several times over the years so clearly I'm missing something - can someone please give me advise on what I should be doing here? how can I be fair when our positions are different?
tl;dr: partner keeps bringing up how I need to buy him a laptop as a present since he had gifted me a laptop few years back. I can't afford to do this however he seems to disagree
Submitted March 31, 2021 at 05:34AM by asretwe https://ift.tt/3fumSWJ
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