My wife (35F) is a Police Officer and recently confessed to me that she had sex with someone while working undercover. I (37M) am unsure how to process this.

I’m unsure how to start this, will do my best to keep it brief, apologies if the details are vague, that’s by design.

My wife and I have been together for 12 years, she was already working in the force when we met, I never had an issue with it. Eventually she moved to undercover work, again I had no issue as she was still home at the same time every day. 7 years ago she was asked to do longer term work, she’d likely be away for a little over a month, we discussed it and I wasn’t comfortable with it but I agreed, seeing it as part of her career. That time passed without any major event and it was the last time she ever did that.

Recently she told me she needed to confess something, she told me that during the course of her work she had sex with a man three times, once it was just oral and the other two times they had penetrative sex too, they did not use condoms but she insists she took measures to ensure she wasn’t pregnant and had herself tested long before her and I did anything. She says it was necessary every time and it was necessary to maintain her cover.

I wasn’t and am still not really sure how to process this. She insists it was necessary as part of her work and I understand that and I do believe her, she’s never been unfaithful before. That being said I’m still very uncomfortable, I asked her if she had feelings or attraction or anything like that, she said she found him attractive but insists she didn’t have any real feelings for him and it was all just work.

We haven’t discussed this too much since, she brought it up again a few nights ago but I asked her to give me more time. Currently I am leaning towards a divorce, I feel awful as I love her, I know she loves me and we have a good marriage but I don’t think this is something I can get past. Am I wrong for doing this? Is there something else we could try? I considered suggesting counselling but I know myself, I really don’t think I can let this go, it’s too much.

TLDR: Wife is a police officer, she had sex with a man several times while she was undercover for a month, she insists it was just work but I can’t move past it, considering divorce.

Edit: Few extra things to point out. She by her own words wasn’t in danger, just her job was. She claims not to have enjoyed giving oral sex and she said the first time she actually had sex with him she was too nervous to really feel much but she did let it slip that she enjoyed the third and final encounter enough to orgasm, though she said it was due to stimulation and nothing else. That feels like a major betrayal to me and it’s why I’m so uncomfortable with the acts.

Submitted March 29, 2021 at 07:52PM by needsomeadviceasap9 https://ift.tt/3dgyTfU