My SO [32M] of 3 years is "uncomfortable" with me [28F] needing time away from him to recharge after work. Not sure how to better communicate my needs.

I want to start my post off by saying that my SO never tries to stop me from having time alone after work, he just doesn't understand it and I think it hurts his feelings a little. I want to figure out how to better communicate that it's not about needing time away from him, it's about needing time for myself.

He's a serious extrovert with a quality time love language. He thrives on time together, and doesn't particularly enjoy doing things separately. We still do things separately, he just prefers to do everything together.

I'm an introvert, and quality time is on the bottom of my love language "priority" list. I care for 6 small children in our home, and get very little down time during my work day. They all have nap/quiet time in the afternoon, but I usually spend that time monitoring and disciplining the ones who don't sleep. After they all go home, I need half an hour or so to decompress and transition from "work" to "home".

As an aside, my SO has a 5yo daughter who is included in my group of 6 kids. On the weeks she's at our house, I especially need a break after work before I can jump into parenting.

It came up today that he doesn't understand why I need time away from him after work. He gets it when his daughter's here, but he mentioned today "I still don't love that you need time away from me. Can't you relax when I'm around?". Which, I can relax with him around, but it's not meeting the same need, you know? I need some time with nobody talking to me, asking questions, expecting things, whatever. And the extrovert in him cannot handle sitting silently in a room for any length of time. Also, I don't think it's all that healthy to spend 100% of our free time together. Covid makes it hard to get out of the house, but that doesn't mean we need to be together all the time.

Anyway, is there a more effective way to communicate this need to somebody who doesn't have it?

Tl;dr SO respects but doesn't understand my need for alone time. Want to figure out how to explain it so he's not left feeling rejected.

Submitted March 26, 2021 at 02:16PM by jl370 https://ift.tt/39jUH8W