TL;DR at the end. This took place from September 2016-October 2017
I (21 F) need help explaining what happened to me when I was 17-18. I had just turned 17 in September of my senior year (2016), and got my first job at an after school program for kids grades 1-5. I used to go there when I was little so I knew some of the older women who still worked there. One of my newer coworkers (32 M) soon became a buddy of mine. He was super funny and nerdy, definitely felt more like a friend than a coworker sometimes. But he was still the adult in the situation and was sure to put his foot down at times. As time went on our routine was that he would drive me home after work, we’d chat in the car for a while, and he would ask for a hug when it was time for me to go. I never really liked the hugs but he was so polite about it, so I would just do it. He would tell me to let him know when I was getting uncomfortable but I was too polite to create barriers most of the time.
Eventually I brought up, on my own, things about my sexual history in the form of funny stories. He would do the same and over the year I learned that he would do almost anything with others as long there were no knives or needles. I thought I had such a cool older friend. I would have so much fun chatting with him but he would sometimes drop in, “I forget that you’re not 18” and, “to be careful sending him certain things so that he doesn’t get in trouble.” Was fine by me.
The farthest he went at the time would be cracking really shitty sex jokes about us or about me and my then boyfriend. I’d roll my eyes and think nothing of it. As the year went on, he’d tell me if I was acting cute when I was being passionate about my interests. He’d take me out of the house occasionally on the weekends. One time he basically described to me what would be a date in the city. I told him that it sounded like a date to me. He told me to “call it what you want.” I told him I was uncomfortable and he completely shut it down, apologetic, the works. I was happy that he understood.
Our “friendship” continued on through 2017. After a particularly rough day when he got me ice cream after work, he told me he’d buy me a drink if I were older. Another time he called me out and said I was flirting with him and I tried to deny it. I had a boyfriend and never thought of flirting with anyone else. I didn’t think I was doing so but he insisted that’s what we were doing, and that he’ll do that with friends. I just went with it and believed him. Maybe I was. Time passes and I go to college the following August not too far away. He took me out to celebrate when I turned 18 and he would pay for my food etc. (he just turned 33).
I soon broke up with my boyfriend that month and later on planned a day in the city with my friend. It was 3 weeks after I had turned 18 and I wore lipstick, plunging v-neck, little things to impress him. Just to see what would happen. But that day was the day that I noticed how old he looked. Receding hairline, deep voice, wrinkles. I felt anxious at the start, but told myself things were fine. I had such a wonderful time (he’d tell me if I was being cute as always). The night progressed and I let out subtlety that I’d consider him as a hookup option. He shared similar interests and next thing I know, he’s touching me and we’re looking for a motel. My head was static. He’d ask me if this is what I wanted and I said yes. But I felt like throwing up, so anxious, but I pushed myself to do it anyway because it seemed exciting. I enjoyed myself in the moment... but in the middle of sex I asked him if he ever thought of me this way before. He mentioned how good he thought I’d look in my dresses at our work-when I used to still be 17. Later that night he said I was the best he’s had in months.
My college friends were horrified when I told them about the hookup the next day. I told them that they didn’t understand, that it was legal, that it was my idea. I eventually told the guy that I wanted friends my own age, and dropped him. If I used the same conditioner that I had used from the night we went out, the smell would remind me of him and I’d instantly think, “Don’t touch me.” Roughly 6 months later he says me missed me. I deleted the text. When I was 19 he texted me a meme. I blocked him.
Everything that night was my idea and I told him that I wanted to do it. I guess I didn’t actually want to do it, and I hate him even though that he was one of my favorite people my senior year. But I still feel so much resentment towards him for thinking that most of what we ever did was appropriate. What happened with me?
TL;DR: My (17-18 F) older coworker (32-33 M) became my “cool adult friend” when I was 17 and I eventually hooked up with him when I turned 18. I regret everything and think I might have been groomed while we were “friends.”
Submitted March 26, 2021 at 08:15PM by ThrowRA3434344422 https://ift.tt/3lWZank
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