The "ideal" first date.

First dates are often the absolute worst part of dating. Is it going to be stimulating enough for her? Should I post my outfit to reddit for them to critique? If it's through a dating app, will she think I'm less attractive in person? Will she be less attractive in person? She's a 20 year old Red Lobster waitress who likes dogs, what can we talk about?

I've gone through a million of the damn things. In the beginning of your journey you are excited by the prospect of wooing some unicorn you can show off to your friends and family. After the date you stare at your phone trying to figure out the optimal time to shoot that followup text. You shoot off a "I had a good time :) When can I see you again?" and three hours later she says "I had a good time too! Good night!" Your fantasies crumble.

What is the ideal first date from the perspective of a woman? Their tinder bios all tell you they love spontaneous adventures. Wouldn't you seem cool if you took them to Nashville or took them rockclimbing? I mean those both sound like a good time to me. Yet these girls who claim to love adventure can never actually tell you one that they've been on. Ask a girl the best date she's been on and she'll squirm and talk about that guy she just clicked with over dinner. They aren't trying to spend all day at an art museum while a stranger tries to impress them; they have another episode of The Office to watch.

So keeping all of this in mind, what is the "ideal" first date? Make it simple. Coffee, maybe a walk through the park if you want to get fancy. You show up looking fit, well-dressed, confident. You make eye contact and ask her about her passions, her teacup Yorkie, let her ramble about whatever. Thirty minutes passes, you've finished your coffee, smile at her and say you have to be off. If you're interested you tell her you'd like to see her again. Strong eye contact. First dates are a series of short interviews. You are trying to improve quality of time, not quantity. Reflect on your failures and make sure that thirty minutes is better than it was with the last girl.

Is thirty minutes really enough time for a girl to formulate an opinion on you? Truthfully, she's decided in the first five minutes whether she's going to fuck you or at least see you again. After that five minutes she is unlikely to improve her first impression of you. If you're already in, all you do by dragging things out is give yourself more chances to fuck up. I've had 2-4 hour first dates where the girl was laughing, talking, twirling her hair. In the end there's always a moment of awkward silence that breaks the mood, and you're left wondering how to get the fuck out.

The first date is the gatekeeper. There's chemistry or there's not. You spread your feathers in the hope that she likes what she sees. It doesn't matter where you go or what you do. It doesn't even matter what you say. It matters that you implement all the shit you've spent hours reading about. Confidence, eye contact, maintaining frame, showing you put some effort into yourself unlike the bottom 80% of basement dwellers. Don't stretch it out. Don't try to impress them. It's difficult, you will fail. But over time you will get better, and over time those lukewarm after-date texts start ending with "haha" and smiley faces and all kinds of fun shit.

Pull out some good shit for the second date if you want. Truthfully you can probably simply tell them to come over to your place or maybe go through the motions of getting a couple drinks at a nearby bar first. Your greatest hurdle isn't other guys, it's whether they think you are worth getting off the couch and putting on some makeup.

Submitted September 27, 2018 at 08:24AM by summermule https://ift.tt/2R6BEnQ