I apologize if this post sounds incredibly naïve, but it’s so hard nowadays to discern reality from the lies. So, I’m mainly wondering if my (26 F) fiance’s (26 M) reaction to my contact with family is appropriate or not? Overall, I would say that I’m a lot more family oriented than he is. He loves his family, or so he says, but he is also very adamant about being independent. He expresses that it’s not really possible to be an independent adult if you’re too close to your family.
I am pretty close to my mom and sister. I’ll admit that I don’t have a ton of friends, so maybe I talk to my mom and sister more than the average woman? I have no clue. I never thought I did, but my fiancé is always saying that I talk to them way too much. It is very typical of him to make me feel bad for texting them too much (he even went so far as to having me download an app that keeps track of how much time I spend on different apps on my phone). He says that it’s not healthy that I’m in contact with them as much as I am. If it was up to him we would move so that we didn’t live so close to my family. He has mentioned this several times already but I have obligations in my current city (school) so he knows I won’t move anytime soon.
It’s also common for me to go out to lunch with my family on Sunday. My family has been doing this for years. They go to church and I meet them for lunch after. Of course this is a huge issue with my fiancé. We decided that once a month I wouldn’t go out with them so that we had more time to spend together. OR If him and I had plans to go out of town or plans that were worthwhile in town then I told him I would tell my family that I couldn’t meet for lunch. I don’t just want to not go to lunch with them if we are sitting home doing nothing because I do really enjoy going to lunch. This has become a huge issue in our relationship. It has gotten so bad that even on the weeks when I haven’t agreed to not see my family, I am getting worried about whether or not he will get mad that I’m seeing them. He knows that it’s a Sunday ritual, but every Sunday I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. Sometimes he says he doesn’t care if I see them, but he almost always has at least one bad comment.
Anyways, I was reading about emotional abusive relationships and read that alienation is one sign of them. This possibility never even dawned on me so that’s why I was wanting additional opinions.
Additional info: My fiancé suffers from bipolar 1. I’m not sure if this impacts the situation or not. I try my best to not allow the disorder to cloud my view of my fiancé. I know that he is more than his disorder, and he hates attributing certain things to it. Mainly adding this info on the off chance that it’s helpful. It’s hard for me to discern if the way he is acting is due to bipolar or is just the way he is.
Recently my fiancé has been saying that he feels like he isn’t much of a priority. I realize that he could be trying to make me feel bad about seeing them for this reason, but it just seems like he’s being awfully cruel about the whole situation. It’s only been recently that he even expressed that he didn’t feel like a priority. I fear that he knows that I can see through some of his behavior now, and is just saying this to illicit sympathy from me. If that was really the case wouldn’t he have told me earlier that he didn’t feel like a priority?
TLDR: I text my mom and sister often and like to go out to lunch with my family every Sunday. My fiancé always has a negative comment to say about this. Could he be trying to alienate me from my family or is it valid for him to feel this way?
Edit to add info: If it was up to him I would never have lunch with my family on Sundays, but I’m not willing to compromise in that regard. So for now that’s what we decided on.
He did ask me to stop going entirely. And in regards to wanting to move eventually, he has specifically said that he wants to move so that we get away from my mother.
It’s not just speculation. He makes multiple negative comments about me going even on the weeks when I’m free to go. He has done this so much that I dread any Sunday although I really do enjoy going to lunch with my family. I didn’t mention in the post but I also get to see my grandma at lunch, which is a big reason why I go. I’m pretty busy during the week and this is the one time I have carved out to see her.
Submitted September 26, 2018 at 01:20PM by throwawaytheday31 https://ift.tt/2NMNJ3O
No comments:
Post a Comment