I (24F) Finally Made the Hardest Decision that I Had to Make About My Relationship with My BF (27M).

If you look in my posting history you'll see that I posted a ton about my relationship of 2.5 years. I've dealt with a lot with him on him emotionally cheating, asking for nudes, bashing me to another girl, lying to my face about girls, flirting with girls during the beginning of our relationship, leading girls on during our relationship, consistently looking up girls who purposely post suggestive photos and videos, and lying to my face about subscribing to their websites.

He has changed once I held him accountable for...all of this. He deleted his account, he is more open about who talks to him (girls wise), he realized he was in the wrong during the emotional affair, and even looks girls up with suggestive photos/videos here and there.

BUT due to all of the stuff he put me through I have such high anxiety within this relationship that it's driving me insane. I look through his phone at least 4 times a week. I don't trust him with any girl he interacts with because he is an overly friendly guy. He has flirted with girls infront of me before and thought nothing of it because once he realizes what he did and see's that I saw it he would come to me and kiss me to "make up for it".

He says he won't cheat again, but I just don't trust him. He broke it once with the emotional affair, so I gave him another chance. He built my trust up again, not completely, but still built it up...until he broke it again by lying to my face about him creating an account to see girl's suggestive nudes and videos. My trust in him completely diminished and now he's in the stage of trying to regain it.

Our relationship is difficult to say the least. He is a very busy person, he has a full time job, a small business, works out 6 days a week, he's in a band, but also wants to do music stuff solo. If we didn't live together I would basically never see him. Even now though we only see each other when we both wake up for work, when we're sleeping, and then sometimes after work. I understand he wants to do everything he loves and I support him completely, but he's neglecting our relationship.

There is no intimacy anymore (he also tells me that he's lazy and thinks it's a waste of time). As stated previously he is wanting to do solo music stuff and he's working on a few projects with these new up-and-coming singers and just the thought of him being around these female singers makes me beyond nervous. He'll be with them for hours and will potentially tour with one of them once concerts start happening again. He told me that I just need to trust him and let him have his freedom.

I know it's definitely my insecurities talking for sure and the fact I am extremely self conscious, but I don't think I could live like this anymore. He's been getting stressed out and depressed because he isn't fully committing to the things that he wants to do (and that he loves) because he's in a relationship and cares about me. He's making decisions based off me and it's making him depressed.

So, I've made this decision...today while I'm at work...that I'm going to end this relationship. I want him to fully pursue the things that he wants to do and that he loves. I don't want him extremely stressed out and depressed anymore. I want him to be happy again. I also cannot live life like this with such high anxiety since I'm so worried and concerned about what my boyfriend is doing or if he will end up hurting me again.

I'm not sure how I'll be once I end it tonight and that deeply terrifies me, but I know this is the right thing to do...

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tl;dr: After everything that I have gone through with my bf I have decided on ending the relationship to benefit us both. Extremely terrified, but I know it's the right decision.

Submitted March 01, 2021 at 01:45PM by Euphoric_Gazelle_575 https://ift.tt/3b6X68l