My (30M) my sister-in-law (21F) moved out with her boyfriend after we asked him to leave our house, wife is upset about it.

My (30M) wife (30F) and I have been married 7 years. Our sons are 7 and 5. My sister-in-law (21F) and her boyfriend (23/24?) were staying with us up until this week. They moved in with us because they couldn’t afford their apartment as the boyfriend had lost his job and my sister in law works part time. Naturally, my wife and I extended the invitation for SIL and her boyfriend to stay with us. She works in her school’s bookstore and we also pay her to babysit. Our initial agreement for him to stay was that he needed to be actively looking for work, helping around the house and he cannot smoke inside or come in the house smelling like smoke because my 7 year old has asthma. He respected that.

There were a lot of annoyances that we talked about as they happened. I noticed that my SIL was always grocery shopping for them on her $12/hour salary so we said that they were welcome to whatever’s in the fridge with the only rule being if you use the last of something please replace it or let someone know so we can avoid something catastrophic like having coffee and no half and half on a Monday morning. Yes that was an actual thing that happened and when I said that we were out, he admitted that he used the last of it and said that he thought I’d just notice we were out. I let it go and just picked up another carton from the store. There have been countless incidents where this has happened and my sister in law always ends up replacing the stuff that he burns through (he once ate 7 bananas in a day). She offered to babysit more “for free” to make up for it but we told her to just focus on graduating . Unless we offer him yard work or something around the house to do or repair (we do pay him) he kinda just sits around and waits for my SIL to get home.

On one occasion, I overheard him telling my 7yo son to man up after we had to take him to the hospital to get stitches over his eyebrow and he was crying so loud I thought he was gonna bust the windows out the house. I Snapped at him and said that I know his unemployed ass wasn’t telling a 7yo boy he needed to man up. My wife told me to calm down and so we had an actual talk about it and we explained to him that that’s just not the way we do things here. He said that he was sorry and that he just didn’t think about what he was saying.

This week was the breaking point for me. He is good with his hands and computers to an extent. I got him a couple of job connects with my friends. He was initially excited about it. One was at the Apple store and the other is a maintenance position at a hospital (strongly tried to push him toward this because pay was better and more upward mobility). When I asked him about how it went, he told me that he told my friends he wasn’t interested and it wasn’t his dream. We were eating dinner when he was telling me this and I said “buddy you just need a check at this point.” He told me that he wasn’t interested in my outdated career advice and I said that it didn’t really seem like he was trying all that hard to find a job. Now I got you two opportunities and you turn your nose up at them? Nah I need you to call them back and ask them to reconsider or I need you out of my house like yesterday. My sister in law exclaimed my name and my wife asked to see me in the next room.

My wife pointed out that she (SIL) was at an age where if we kicked him (boyfriend) out she (SIL) would go too and I was adamant that he can’t stay here anymore. SIL said they’d be out this weekend but left tonight and my wife told her to let him be on his own and figure it out for a while but that she didn’t have to struggle with him and she could still stay here. That was fine with me and I told my SIL before they left that she’ll always have a room here if things go south. My wife and her sister’s mother died last year and their father is not in a good position and my wife is really distressed about this because she thinks her mom will “never forgive her” and I get it but I think this position is honestly a little ridiculous.

She’s been really short with me and trying to call her sister like every minute. My SIL is not answering her phone. I feel like my wife’s going off the deep end here. Is there anything to be done in terms of reconciliation or do I just leave it be?

TLDR wife is distressed after SIL moved out after we asked her boyfriend to leave

Submitted October 22, 2021 at 07:23PM by throwaaayputon https://ift.tt/3juRj05