Husband (33m) stated got married to me (29f) due to social pressures. When asked what viewed a marriage as stated friends/roommates with benefits. How to deal with this?

Hello friends! Sorry if this is an incorrect format as this is my first time posting. If it is let me know, I am trying to follow the guidelines. I just really wanted to post this here rather than talk to someone that knows both my husband and I so as not create friction so thanks in advance for your help!

I want to start off by saying I love my husband. He is very loyal, takes great care to try and accommodate me and extremely smart. He (33m) is, however, someone who does not really understand emotions. I am not talking about in the way that some people try to repress emotions due to upbringing, but rather someone who has a possible chemical imbalance or something inhibiting emotional signals (since he puts little stock in emotions he doesn’t care to check into it so I cannot say for sure, this is just what I believe, but feelings are actually difficult for him to comprehend). He operates more on logic and therefore, he has, and never will be, romantic. Which is hard for an overly-romantic over-emotional woman like me and therefore, in return, stressful for him, a man who often cannot handle emotions of others well.

Anyway to the story-he recently told me something that really worries me (29f). He has stated on multiple occasions that he often would rather be alone than with people and said he would be perfectly happy living by himself, never talking to anyone. That alone is fine, but this lead me to wonder why he decided to get married to me if he wanted to be alone and he stated that it was only because of social pressures/expectations to be married. It was not meant to be hurtful, I can assure you, but this is not really what I wanted to hear for why he got married to me (we have been married a little over 2 years and was the first time hearing it). As background this may have hurt me because I am very much the opposite, I never felt I needed to get married per se, and would not have let social pressures sway me (as an example I was almost in an semi-arranged marriage with someone 1 year my senior made when I was a 16yo planned for when I turned 18yo, but I refused-a story for another time, perhaps? haha) I just wanted to love someone and be loved back-even if this was a non-romantic relationship; like even that of a mother and child or even a life with just pets. Essentially, I wanted to live with mutual love in my future no matter the form. And, honestly, he does love me in his own way, just not the way I am used to.

Anyway, sorry, Back to the story- he continued doing some things similar couples I know do, like go to dinners with my family ext., but some things elude him, like emotional sensitivity, making decisions as a couple, desire to do things together or accepting/discussing compromises as examples. As some things were done in a way that is similar to my point of reference for couples I didn’t react or do anything about what he had said since I know he did not mean to hurt me. I instead decided I would rather create a meaningful marriage than one that was started for a subjective ‘meaningful’ reason. However, later his response lead to me to try to understand what his idea of marriage is (since he didn’t seem to really think about getting married because he wanted to) and this is when he stated a roommate/friend with benefits. Again, he said this not in a malicious way, but this isn’t really what I want for a marriage and we now have discovered my point of reference for marriage and his are completely different.

tl;dr I am a woman who experiences emotions too easily and has a hard time controlling them, often having felt with depression and anxiety, and need emotional support. He doesn’t comprehend all emotions completely, from a fundamental standpoint, and originally thought marriage would be like roommates with benefits. He didn’t realize how emotionally exhausting marriage with me would be and I feel like it is hard to the emotional support I need from him.

Has anyone had a relationship similar to this that has advice? In your opinion would getting a therapist who I could complain to/understand me work for the emotional support I feel like I might need? Follow up question: I do have a distrust of therapists, could this skew my results? Lastly; Is there a way to compromise here without changing who we are as people?

Also, I have tried to turn to romance video games for an outlet for romance, but it doesn’t seem to help. Any advice on outlets? Or just advice anywhere? Help please I feel I am a wreck and don’t know where I am going in life.

Submitted October 28, 2021 at 10:52PM by Duckyperson101 https://ift.tt/3BxzNPi