Hi! I am living with my girlfriend since 2020. When I met her on 2018, I knew that she is into KPop girls/groups - I did not bother too much during that time because I thought it is just merely a “music taste” and I also listen to variety of KPop songs depending on my mood.
When the pandemic struck, we started living together and this is where I started feeling that we are not compatible.
She got depressed due to being laid off from her employer while I get to keep working from home. I am trying to make both ends meet during that time since I only earn roughly $200-300 a month (we live in a third world country in Asia) and we got cats and dogs to feed too! I work double shifts to make a living wage because during that time I understand the situation and everyone is affected by the pandemic.
Given that I work overtime even when I’m at home and she is free basically all the time - I am expecting the bare minimum like extending help for the household chores but she does not. I still have to worry about cooking our food and doing the laundry when I got off from work. Her hands and eyes are glued to her phone, scrolling thru Twitter with her “kpop stan” account, even when we are eating she would talk to her online kpop friends and I cannot even tell her about my day at work.
Fast forward to mid 2020 - I started talking to her about her kpop addiction and the division in household chores. She will just be quiet and would not even acknowledge whatever I am trying to tell her. Basically nothing changed, she just kept doing whatever she is doing. I gave up and focused on working because our bills has accumulated and I am in debt since my wage is not enough for us, my mental health was also affected during this time because I don't know how we will be able to survive and I am carrying the burden myself.
Until one day, she is asking me to fix some stuff on her phone and when I opened the wifi, chat notifications from Twitter and Messenger chat heads kept coming through and I did what I shouldn't be doing, I read all of it. She is talking to a fellow KPop friend(F) she met online, she is basically venting out to her, talking about how irrational I am and how I do not understand that she is basically leaning onto KPop as a coping mechanism. Her friend, of course empathizing with her will tell her things like "We're the same but my partner does not do that" "I'm so sorry to hear that but I think she is too much."
Aside from that, they are also doing some AU fanfics (alternate universe)/roleplays where they would have prompts and ship KPop girl bias to another girl of the group - what irks me is that, majority of these are sexual and I find it... alarming and gross. Her gallery is full of KPop girls, she even have a merch collection for the groups she is stanning. She would ask money to her parents to buy her KPop merch, but not because we need the money when I am drowning in debt due to our bills. Basically their whole conversation is about KPop and me.
It saddens me that I am trying to talk to her like how grown ass people will do in a relationship. Calmly, without invalidating her. But she will just be silent only to end up talking shit about me behind my back to her online friend. So I tried again, I tried reaching out and I've also mentioned that I read their conversation and how it pained me. She apologized and when I got the chance to check the conversation again, that's where I found out her apology is not even sincere. They come up with a plan to talk to a different Twitter account with muted notifications so I wouldn't come across it, she also mentioned some time where she is available (and these are the time where I am asleep) to talk and she is apologizing to her friend because she can no longer talk with her normally since I found out that they are talking shit about me.
I am in shambles. I cry myself to sleep and I cannot even seek advice from my friends because I do not want them having bad impressions about her as we have our regularly get-togethers. However, I still try to reach out because there's no changes in the way she acts and our relationship.
I got promoted to work before the end of 2020 and it helped a lot with our bills and expenses at home, so finances has been ticked off my problem list because the salary increase was pretty decent and I decided to focus on fixing our relationship.
Now that I can afford stuff, I am now offering her to seek help from the professionals, undergo therapy for her mental health so that we can figure it out but she does not want to. I also created freelancer accounts for her, provided a laptop, built her portfolio so that she can also work from home and be distracted - but alas, still no actions coming from her. She still prefers using social media all day, chatting and doing her kpop things. She doesn't even have any effort to apply for jobs online or even build her resume I am the one who's always pushing her for it and she would get irritated. I even offered her to work at my company because I can refer her, but she does not want to.
Early-mid 2021, their favorite group disbanded. Things were going smooth in our relationship, she was able to work on household chores division and she is no longer talking to her online friend that much. We were able to do some things together and work on our relationship. It WAS a fairytale, indeed.
I got hospitalized due to gastritis and COVID and that is the breaking point. I was angry. I was frustrated, maybe because of all the feelings bottled up for a year. Good thing I have health insurance so I did not pay for anything at all. But I started thinking, what if she was the one who was hospitalized? She does not have any job, and my savings aren't enough. I keep asking myself why is it that she is so complacent while I am stressed out about building our life together (..and until now it haunts me) I talked to her about that and how I am feeling in the relationship, still nothing happened. No changes. No effort in looking for jobs.
These past few months, she's into KPop again. This time, so much worse than before. Because her online friend no longer has any boundaries and would really just take her time even if she knows that we're outside or doing stuff together. She even reached out to me to make amends only to somehow, make them feel good about whatever they're doing because I am now 'okay' with her.
We're back to the situation we had at 2020 again and I no longer know if I can keep up with this. I am just tired... We are not sharing the same vision and I am starting to feel that I deserve better. I feel bad and guilty because these are her interests and I feel like a villain but our relationship is at stake and I am not comfortable with her being "too much" invested into KPop. I want to build out a realistic future with her and focus on her self growth... I am a very career driven woman and it feels like she is stuck to her teenage years.
It's almost the end of the year 'again' and I cannot see her having plans of applying for jobs. She's just relaxed and all... Now that she is even more well provided due to my increase, I think it became worse.
What should I do? How can I tell her that I am falling out of love? I've had enough and I've had multiple attempts to save the relationship but she doesn't seem to care at all. We would spend hours of me talking and making her understand how I feel but she wouldn't respond to me and we will just let the day pass with an awkward vibe then she would act normal the next day. I want her to grow, I want her to get back on track. I am providing all possible options to help her out because I consider her my best friend as well. Her relationship with KPop is unhealthy.
TL;DR My girlfriend is addicted to KPop and we are on the brink of breaking up. We do not share the common interests and vision for our future. She is very complacent being unemployed and she does not hear me out.
Submitted October 28, 2021 at 03:39AM by InfiniteBag7366 https://ift.tt/3pMdseA
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