Should I (F29) break things off with a guy (M25) I've been seeing for a couple of months because he got arrested for drink driving?

Firstly, this has only been a casual relationship- we both agreed at the beginning to this because I have a young son and I wasn't interested in my dating life and family life overlapping any time soon. However, over the duration of the last few months, we really get on and we have been communicating openly about there being feelings involved and what we are going to do with them. We spend a lot of time together when my son is with his dad and he is extremely funny, attentive, romantic and confident. Even doing little things like dropping over 2 portions of his meal prep for me and my son to eat the next day and helping me with DIY projects I'm doing on my house.

However, he started talking about selling his van and getting a bike about a month ago. I thought this a bit odd as he's a tradesman, however he explained it was due to a new desire to have a minimalist lifestyle and that he wanted to save loads of money as he's going travelling next year. He broached this subject as if he was worried I would be upset about it, so I said of course it'll be a shame to see him go, but I was very enthusiastic and supportive of his plans as it's a very "him" thing to do.

The more time went on, the more I knew something was going on and I guessed that he'd been pulled over and had or was having his licence taken away. He drove us up to London and other cities a few times and ducked down side streets if he saw a police car. One day, we were supposed to be spending the day together and he was due over mine at lunchtime; I didn't end up hearing anything until 5.30pm and it transpired he had gone out the night before and slept through his alarm. I explained I was glad he was OK as I had been worried, however after finding out why he was late, I said that I was no longer free that evening because he had disrespected my very limited free time. I would have been fine with a heads up so I could have made other plans but when I get 1/2 days off a fortnight I felt this was quite disrespectful. When I saw him the next day he had cuts and gashes all over his arms from the Saturday night - when I questioned him about it he said it was a story for another day. I don't tend to be hyper emotional about things as I'm quite logical so he mistook my thoughts/expressions for concerns that he was with another woman and confirmed he was alone the whole night. That wasn't what I was necessarily concerned about, so just said that if he doesn't want me to know what happened, that's his business and not mine.

I talked to my friends and explained that I was 90% sure he'd been summoned to court for driving offences as this made the most sense for his behaviour. However, I felt very insecure that he wasn't telling me and for 2-3 weeks I've been feeling quite unworthy and unsure of myself. I don't like to pry and I didn't feel comfortable bringing up the subject so it's been sitting heavily on me annoyingly.

Finally this week we were curled up watching a film and he broached the subject and told me: he got pulled over drink driving a few days before our London trip and had court 3 weeks later where they revoked his licence for 11 months. He also told me the night before he stood me up, he was out with friends and drove drunk again and a police car followed him, so he ditched the van and ran away from them through a forest for about 5 miles and ended up sleeping under a tarpaulin so they didn't catch him.

He explained he had been so nervous to tell me because he knew that I would probably pull away from him. He said his feelings were running deeper than they have for anyone in a long time and he was embarrassed and scared about what he'd done. He said he has a drinking problem that he wants to get under control and a lot of the times he acts with confidence and bravado when actually it's to mask the insecurity of feeling not good enough.

I explained I needed to process what he'd told me and I left his place and went home - he told me he respected whatever I chose to do and to take all the time I needed. I've taken most of a week and I can't figure out what I want to do.

On the one hand, his behaviour shows lack of responsibility as he didn't learn from his mistake the first time and put himself at risk another time. He also drove with me in the car after getting pulled over the first time; which although isn't illegal here, I would liked to have made a decision myself whether I got in his car or drove myself (had he been pulled over, would I have been left at the side of the road? Etc)..

However on the other hand, he isn't going to be around for much longer before he goes travelling (beginning of next year) and we really get on and have a great time together. All the overthinking is getting me down, so am I better off just living in the moment, enjoying the time we have left together and stop fussing over things I can't change?

TL;DR! Guy who I really enjoy spending time with exhibits poor decision making and I'm not sure if I should allow that behaviour in my life even though we really get on.

Submitted October 30, 2021 at 11:02PM by feathers_and_pebbles https://ift.tt/3CxmvU8