This hurts me to write. I feel extremely guilty and conflicted. I have been with my boyfriend for about a year now. He comes from a low class family which I never thought twice about. When we grew close, I taught him how to dress nice, do his hair, get his GED, shower with more than just shampoo, and even brush his teeth correctly. His family did not teach him these things. I got him to a dentist for the first time. He quit cigarettes and stopped gambling. He was unhygienic and unhappy, but now he is a transformed adult who will testify to his happiness. I did not change him for me, i helped him grow into his confidence. He is happy with his growth and love him now the same as when i met him.
The issue: It is very difficult for me to be around his family. He has many family members in his house because they cannot afford to live separately- which is fine. However, the first time I met them, the dad and the uncle were making eyes at each other. I felt like they were communicating they were shocked my boyfriend brought “such a beautiful girl” home (their words that they kept emphasizing). It made me uncomfortable.
Shortly after that visit, I went to their house on Christmas last year, I was shocked. I put my shoes back on because the floors were dirty, there was animal hair all over the food and plates, the uncle slept on a bed next to the dining table and his feet were in the air a meter away from my face while i was eating. I was the only one who was not wearing pajamas. People were farting and burping and laughing about it. The bathroom had rust, soap residue, and hair everywhere. Their two dogs were so dirty that they left residue on my hands when i pet them. When i left I immediately cried in my car.
I have avoided going back for a year, but holiday season is back. They want to go to a dinner at a public restaurant tonight that i agreed to, and now i am having so much anxiety. I know they will be difficult to our server, not dress appropriate, and i know that my boyfriends brother and uncle like to pull pranks on strangers in public like screaming weird noises to make everyone look around. They also always make jokes about how theyre going to “push the pretty girl away” and make me “leave my boyfriend” because of how gross they are. Those jokes make me feel so disconnected and uncomfortable.
I dont know what to do. I am expecting hate for being “pretentious.” I love my boyfriend so much and i know these are the same people that raised him to be such an amazing man. I know in the long term our families will never get along. But i want to enjoy our time together. I really love him. I have never told him how i feel because he cannot change his family and i dont want to insult him for no reason.
Edit: TLDR: i am uncomfortable around my boyfriends family and don’t know how to cope.
Submitted October 28, 2021 at 09:58AM by throowowowawaayyyy https://ift.tt/3mqeE5f
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