I met my husband 10 years ago and one of the reasons I loved him was because how laid back and chill he was. I loved that energy. We’ve always had a very stable and loving relationship. Our relationship has changed a lot since my son was born two years ago and I’m not sure how to help his new anger issues.
He also has always dabbled with weed but over the years has become more dependent. Just before we married he quit and didn’t touch it for a year and a half. During that time I fell pregnant, we both had an understanding that we wouldn’t raise our son in a home with drugs and that included weed. Just before I had our son he picked up the habit again. I was pretty upset about this but after my birth I had pretty extreme health issues and honestly didn’t have the energy to continue getting upset about it. Between a baby with feeding issues that woke hourly every night and my own health rehab, I just ignored the issue. My husband was also amazing during this and was a very hands on dad. It was easy to ignore until he grew far more dependent and his behaviour began to change.
He’s been getting more and more frustrated over the last year. When he’s not smoking, he’s agitated. He doesn’t have a lot of patients for our son (or anyone) when he’s sober. For example, at night we have book time before bed. My husband is staring at his watch during this time, waiting for it to be over so he can go back to the shed (where he smokes). If my son wants a extra book, my husband rolls his eyes or gets frustrated. I can see him holding back his anger while waiting for me to tuck my son into bed and often doesn’t wait for a goodnight as it takes our son too long to say it. It’s so upsetting to me because our son is so important and deserves better than that. Most of the time he’s stoned or comes home late, so my son isn’t around this energy often. It’s still not good enough.
He bottles up what’s actually upsetting him and just acts passive aggressive until he has a smoke and then he’s fine and level again. It’s like he’s unable to regulate his emotions without it. I even dropped into his work the other day and was talking to his favorite coworker. She said to me that he’s been getting frustrated at work and has been slamming doors etc.
I was pretty disgusted by this. I feel that’s completely out of line for him to do. I know he hates his job but he’s also completely unwilling to upskill or look for a better job either. I feel he’s in a rut and is so internally frustrated but I don’t know how to fix this for him. I feel like he needs to get his shit together but I also feel like I’m being insensitive. I’m just having trouble relating to him. I’ve looked for other jobs and courses already but he’s not interested. I think the fact that most companies drug test puts him off.
Something needs to change because I can’t have this negativity around our son and I want my old husband back. I want him to love life as much as I do. When I talk to him about it, he acts like I’m being over the top or he’ll say ‘why don’t I just jump in front of a bus then’. I’ll ask if he’s suicidal but he’ll say no, he just says it to end the conversation… I don’t understand. He doesn’t want therapy but I think that might be the only option.
What do I do?
TL:DR my husband is agitated when he’s sober and acts passive aggressively constantly.
Submitted October 28, 2021 at 07:28AM by throwawaysleepywife https://ift.tt/2ZvDGXm
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