Background
We’ve been together for 8 years. We are in love and talk constantly about getting married and having children together. He lives with his family but is financially independent/comfortable.
His family don’t accept me for ethnicity reasons. They are very manipulative and emotionally abusive. They have been trying to force him to marry someone for many years – the woman in question is completely aware that he doesn’t want to but she is actively also engaged in forcing him. Can’t call the police because he does not want his family to get in trouble.
He has now married her. He didn’t seem to plan to – he seemed completely in denial at each step. He doesn’t agree with the marriage and says nothing has changed between us.
What I need advice on
I am trying to support him because I love him and I fear he may hurt himself – he is desperately unhappy. I want to help him because ultimately he is the victim in this – the victim of abuse and forced marriage.
But I’m utterly devastated. It’s wrong of me to feel this but I feel betrayed. I feel like my heart has been torn out and I’m not good enough. I keep thinking “why didn’t you just leave” – which is completely unfair/wrong of me because abused people cant “just leave”. I’m obviously hiding all of this from him but I’ve got no one else to talk to except Reddit.
How do I balance the effect on me vs helping someone who is the victim of a terrible act? How do I emotionally make sense of this impossible situation? I feel so selfish - like I'm making the situation all about me.
Edit: To add, he's my first and only boyfriend - so I have very little experience despite my age.
tl;dr Fiancé married in forced marriage. I feel guilty for feeling upset and angry, because ultimately surely he is the victim here.
Submitted October 30, 2021 at 10:09AM by In-my-cupboard https://ift.tt/3CuP1pf
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