My wife (26F) has a career. I (33M) want to start working again, but wife wants a career change. Am I being selfish?

Bit of a backstory. This is a little complicated.

Me and my wife have been together for 6 years, married for 3. When I met her, I was coming out of an 8 year marriage, and just being released from the military. I was indecisive with my career choice, and decided to work at a local dermatology office doing clerical work. My wife, at the time of meeting, just graduated college and was working as a certified surgical technician at a hospital with decent benefits.

About a year into our relationship we decided to move in together and give it a more serious chance. At about the 2 year mark she decides that she wants to travel for her job and gain experience so she can get paid more for what she does. At this point she is in love with the work she does and feels it is the correct career choice that she wants for the rest of her life. Traveling would give her more experience in other areas of her profession, and would give her more pay.

At the time I was still working at the dermatology clinic with upward mobility being possible. I was being offered opportunities and positions that meant more money.

I decided to go with my wife, as I loved her very much and wanted her to obtain the pay she wanted and to experience life outside of her home state. So I proceeded to put in a 2 weeks notice, pack all of our belongings and place them into storage, terminate our lease, and live from a duffel bag for over 3 years traveling from state to state with my wife. During this time she would gain experience, and references for when she decided to quit traveling.

During our travels everything was paid for. You would be issued money for housing, food, and a monthly wage depending on the state we went to. It was impossible for me to get a job, as we wouldn't be in a state long enough for me to hold one. Each contract was for about 3 months, but could be extended if you wanted.

I decided to do online courses for college for 2 years while we traveled. In my third year I decided that college wasn't for me, and that I didn't think the career path I was studying was going to make me happy. College was paid for by the GI bill due to me being a veteran, so there was no financial burden from me stopping, and it never hindered my wife from continuing her travels and gaining experience.

During our travels, my wife started having female issues that could result in her not being able to have children in the next few years. On our third year of traveling my wife and I agreed to having a child and we would travel till she was in her 5th or 6th month of pregnancy. She had gained enough experience in the 3 years traveling to land a job close to her home state at 12 dollars an hour more then she was making before we had left to start traveling.

We moved to where we live now in October of 2019. In December we had our child. A few months into the birth, covid happened.

I had wanted to place my child in childcare, and start working and contributing to the family. Unfortunately, me and my wife agreed that placing our child in child care during the pandemic was not such a great idea. We agreed that we would minimize contamination and keep our newborn at home. This meant I would be a stay at home father for the foreseeable future.

For the past year and 3 months I have been at home taking care of our son. Over the last year we have attempted to find a house to purchase in the area that she works, but have not been successful due to various reasons. Recently we have found a house and are planning to close soon, so I am looking forward to owning a home with my wife and child, and look forward to looking for work in the new location that we are getting the house in.

My wife over the last few months has decided that she doesn't want to be a surgical technician anymore, and wants to cut her hours, decrease her pay by half, and go to school for nursing for 2 years. She would have to go to school 4 days out of the week, help take care of a child, and work to make ends meet. I honestly don't think she's thinking to much into how difficult that is, and I'm unsure why she wants to make the career change in the first place.

This would mean that we are purchasing a new home, have a child that would need child care, and she'd be starting school all in the same month.

I feel defeated after spending the last 4-5 years traveling with her so she can get the pay she wanted from the career she said was "the one".

I feel reluctant to look for a good job, as my hours would be completely dependent on what her schedule would entail, and I don't want to seem undependable to employers due to her inconsistent work and school hours.

I feel bad because saying no to her school makes me feel like I'm stopping her from being successful, but ultimately I feel that she got 5 years of travel and work experience to get where she wanted, while my work life got put on hold.

I've recently talked with my wife and explained these thoughts and feelings, and told her that she should hold off on going to college again until I can land a stable job that will be flexible with her decision to go to school again. I asked her to give me a few years to find something and to work long enough gain the ability to have a flexible schedule so we don't have a large financial problem while she's in school.

What really upset me was that I have given her 5-6 years of my time to ensure that she could build her career. I traveled for 3 years, and let her chose what hospital she wanted to settle on. When I asked her for a few years to work on my career, she looked at me and said "you really need a few years?". It hurt, and I was kinda taken back by it. I felt betrayed.

It also hurt when she cried while emailing her school counselor to tell them she would have to apply for the program at a later time. It felt like I had ruined her life and I wasn't supporting her.

Am I selfish for wanting to work on my job now that the traveling is over and she's accomplished what she set out to do? Am I selfish for asking her to place her school on hold for a few years so that I can work on my work experience?

TL;DR I put my work life on hold so my wife could further her career she states was "the one". We traveled for years so she could gain experience and she could get paid what she wanted.

She now wants a career change, but I haven't been able to work on mine. We agreed to postpone the career change till I could gain mine to support her during her career change. She was reluctant and cried but agreed.I feel selfish for asking her to postpone, but I also feel like my wants are being neglected.

Submitted March 23, 2021 at 06:03PM by dope_octopus https://ift.tt/3siQREC