My friend (30F) won’t stop bringing up how I (30 F) didn’t like my fiancé at first and it embarrasses and bothers me

I got engaged recently to the love of my life and best friend. I’ve been in a lot of toxic relationships before him so when I first met him, I wasn’t used to someone treating me so well. It actually scared me a bit because it was so unfamiliar and I was just used to guys treating me badly. In these initial days of dating, I was unsure how far we were going to go because it felt uncomfortable and strange to me. But thank God, I had a realization that I was causing my own self sabotage by seeking out toxic guys, and I decided to keep dating him.

I had to do a lot of soul searching and healing in therapy to move past my avoidant relationship style and allow myself to be loved by someone good. A lot of it was a self loathing thing, like that I didn’t deserve someone as good as my fiancé. I’m really proud of how I overcame that because if I hadn’t, I’d probably still be in abusive relationships with toxic people.

Back in our initial days of dating, before we became official and I had these realization that I was self sabotaging, I would vent to my friends. As friends often do. I would vent about the dating scene, how hard it was, how strange the people were that I’d go on dates with, etc. So when I was initially dating my fiancé, I told my friends how I wasn’t sure about him because he seemed so clingy and a bit annoying. I’m ashamed that I felt this way and talked about him like that because obviously things have changed so much now - he’s my fiancé! But in those early days of dating, my friends were all I had to vent to and so I did.

I really regret that now because one of my friends won’t stop bringing up how we “made fun of my fiancé” back then. She’ll always bring up how “mean we were”. I don’t remember it this way, all I remember is venting one day about him - I certainly wouldn’t call it making fun of him. But my friend insists we did and that it was mean. And she won’t stop bringing this up in front of other people, which is embarrassing because I’m getting MARRIED to this man that I love and respect. I wasn’t sure about him back then and I was avoidant and self loathing and that’s very sad to me. I don’t like being reminded of that because I had to do a lot of inner work to open my eyes to my own self sabotage and how I wasn’t letting myself be loved by good people. But my friend won’t stop bringing this up, especially while drunk, almost in a spiteful way as if I did something very mean and cruel to my fiancé. It just embarrasses me and makes me cringe so much to my previous behavior.

I love my fiancé so much and I would never want him to hear from my friend that I “made fun of him”. I am certain that I didn’t, all I did was vent at the time that he was too clingy and irritating me. Isn’t venting what friends do? I have changed so much as a person and it really sucks constantly being reminded by a friend at how critical and bitter I used to be. Idk how to feel about this, I just feel guilty and regretful and mad at my friend. I don’t know why she always does this.

Tl;dr: I vented to my friend years ago when I was initially dating my fiancé that he was too clingy and annoying me and I wasn’t sure about him. I stuck with dating him because I realized he was an amazing person and I was being a bitter, judgmental asshole that was sabotaging my own love life. I fell deeply in love with him and now we’re getting married. My friend often brings up how I vented that he was clingy and annoying, saying we “made fun of” him, which is a huge stretch to me. It makes me embarrassed and I don’t want my fiancé to think I went on some smear campaign in the initial dating days. Why is my friend doing this? I feel so mad at her and just shitty at my own past behavior.

Submitted October 23, 2021 at 08:20AM by marshmallowmoonlight https://ift.tt/3nlU2ub