Hey guys, I’ll try to keep this short. We have been dating on and off since late 2019, at which time I was accepted to a medical school abroad. Spring 2020 we tried to make long distance work but it clearly wasn’t working for me so I ended things. He (I’ll call him Alex) always had an issue with jealousy because my ex and I would occasionally keep in contact. Nothing crossing the line, and I made it clear to Alex that my ex was an important part of my life (he literally saved my life in January 2019 and we had dated for 5 years previously). Alex understood but would still get jealous over it when he saw me text my ex. March 2020 rolls around and I’m back home doing school via zoom, so we pick up where we left off. Things hadn’t improved terribly from last time but I was willing to keep trying.
Spring 2021 I return to in person classes and I told Alex that I was not willing to try the long distance relationship again. It was my last 2 semesters of a very rigorous program and I needed to focus all of my attention on school. He understood and we still kept in touch, but he would always say things like “we are just working on things right now” and “I’ll do anything to make you love me again” which kinda bothered me but I left it alone. I casually “dated” a guy I was in school with during those 7 months, which immediately ended when I left the country.
I came home in August and me and Alex were talking again, everything is great. We even went on a trip to South America together to visit his family. There were a couple of incidents during the trip where he got too drunk and started saying a lot of very hurtful and disrespectful things to me in front of his family. I brushed it off as the alcohol talking because I know that’s not him.
Ok so now the real issue. A week ago my friend had a Halloween party that Alex and I attended (everyone is vaccinated btw). Once again Alex got too drunk and was saying all these disrespectful things. This was the first time I introduced him to this friend group so I was incredibly embarrassed. I had asked him to hold my phone since I didn’t have pockets and later I see him trying to use it. I asked him why and he said he was using his phone. I laughed at the time thinking wow he’s really drunk it’s time to go home. Before I could get us an Uber he disappeared to the bathroom for a LONG time.
So we get back to my parents house (I’m staying with them in the interim) and he is screaming at me (it’s 3am and my parents are sleeping) saying he went through my phone and he knows all about the guy from school. It was a bad fight and in the morning he admits he has been going through my phone since I got back from school. I feel like this is such a violation of my trust. I didn’t tell him about the guy from school because we weren’t together at the time. It was not an emotional relationship and I felt telling him would only hurt him.
I immediately broke up with him and now he is begging me to come back, saying how much he loves me but I’m still in the wrong for “going behind his back”. I feel like I’m the one who has been betrayed. I have my licensing exam in less than a month and I can barely concentrate on studying. Alex is a really great guy and my family loves him. I do think he will make a good partner, I’m just not ready to talk about moving in and such as I still have a long road of school ahead. I guess I’m just not sure if I’m the one who’s the asshole and should be apologizing. Am I in the wrong here?
Tried posting on a throwaway account but I guess that was removed. Hopefully he didn’t get my Reddit username while he was snooping.
TL;DR: my bf went through my phone and is angry about something that happened when we weren’t together. Am I overreacting about this?
Submitted October 09, 2021 at 08:24PM by SupremeLeaderMittens https://ift.tt/3oMDgGG
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