I (29f) came out of the hospital and neither of my partners (25f, 29m) had done anything around the house. They didnt scoop my cats litter box for 3 days. I dont know what to do any more.

For reference Ill use F for my gf and M for my bf. We are in a poly triad, have been for 2 1/2 years.

The biggest issue Ive had with them are chores and cleaning up after yourself (this is more of an M problem though).

The way chores are split (which, by the way, I had to set up because I felt it wouldnt be done otherwise) is that me and F do the vast majority since we both only work part time. M works full time and his only chore is vacuuming the living room and his own room. He has stuck to it so that part is good.

Problem is without me here (or nagging) nothing gets done. I was admitted to the hospital on Tuesday, out today on Thursday, and I came home to the dishwasher still being filled with clean dishes, the kitchen dirty, the sink filled with dishes, the living room table a mess, and what really grinded my gears is NO ONE bothered to scoop my cats litter box while I was gone. She used a dirty litter box for 4 days because I was in a lot of pain Monday and couldnt do it.

I was in a lot of pain after being discharged (I live with chronic pain) but still started to do chores. Only when I started to put away dishes did F bother to help.

This is a constant theme. F is supposed to clean the kitchen but rarely does. We are all supposed to help with dishes but I end up doing them 90% of the time. If I dont take out trash & cardboard it will pile up. Despite me asking M MULTIPLE times he leaves his pop bottles, fast food bags, grocery bags everywhere. When I point it out he will make an excuse.

My health is failing me and I need F to take charge without me nagging. M has told me I have a "boomer mentality" when it comes to work and Ill admit I do sometimes, but I feel in return their motto is "If I dont feel good then I dont have to do it". Self care is good, I get that, but they use it as an excuse to skirt responsibility. They had family growing up who would do everything for them, I didnt, so I learned fast that if I dont so it it wont get done.

I dont know how to calmly explain my side without sounding like a nag or them feeling attacked. F can take things personally and I dont want her to feel like I dont love her. All I need is for her to do what we all agreed to do. I didnt force this on them, I asked them if they wanted to make a chore chart so we did! I feel like a parent, not a partner.

TL;DR: My partners skirt their chores under the guise of self care and dont seem to consider doing anything unless I ask them to do it. Sometimes multiple times. What have you done in this situation?

Submitted September 30, 2021 at 11:47PM by womanof1004holds https://ift.tt/3B4eJ3i