How do I tell my suicidal sister that she can no longer see my kids?

TW: self harm and threats of suicide

My (30f) sister (28f) has a medical diagnosis of borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder. She struggles to maintain relationships, and is not compliant with her medical prescriptions or therapy.

Background info: when she was in high school she would threaten suicide daily to control my behavior and our three younger siblings behavior. She has threatened to commit suicide because we listened to music she didn’t like, watched My Fair Lady, sang songs from Glee, sat in the chair she wanted, or if any of us siblings ate Oreos or Poptarts (she wanted to save the for when she was in a bad mood), etc. Sometimes, if we didn’t listen to her, she would self harm in front of us on her neck, face, and arms (intentionally creating visible wounds). When people asked her what happened, she’d tell them how her siblings bullied her until she was driven to self harm. On one occasion, our younger sister sat in the chair she wanted, so she punched our younger sister in the head repeatedly until our sister got a concussion. She is not as overtly manipulative now that she is an adult, but she cannot maintain friendships, romantic relationships, or hold a job.

I love my sister, and she loves my kids. I thought they would be able to have a relationship with her if I set very clear boundaries with her, but it isn’t working. I told her that she needs to only talk about preschool-appropriate topics in front of my kids, and she talked about how she wants to literally take her own life. I asked her not to show my toddler videos with swear words, because it’s not age-appropriate, and she showed her videos of people twerking instead. Whenever I confront her about her behavior, she says she didn’t know that it wasn’t ok. (She didn’t know it wasn’t ok to talk about suicide, show twerking videos, yell at my kids, tell them to disobey me, etc.) I’m not sure if she’s being manipulative, or just has bad judgement, but regardless of her motivations, the result is the same.

TL;DR: Setting clear boundaries isn’t working. Having a relationship with my sister is detrimental to my kids’ wellbeing. What’s the best way to tell my suicidal sister that she can no longer see my kids?

Submitted October 11, 2021 at 09:32PM by No-Dependent1639 https://ift.tt/3mMEEqe