tldr: boyfriend wants to be friends with his ex and doesn't consider my feelings. What do I do?
Hi everyone,
My (22F) boyfriend (22M) and I recently moved to a new city together. We have been together for almost a year now. His ex girlfriend lives in the same city, and I remember when she broke up with him 3 years ago, he was heartbroken for months and that was the only time I have ever seen him cry. We were friends back then.
Now that we are all in the same city, he has made it his mission to reconnect with her, to be friends. He says he misses the friendship (as they were friends for a long time before they got together), and as we have moved to a new city, he is keen on making friends. He tried to meet up with her for coffee in July (before he went home for August) but she was busy. He then tried to get dinner with her in September (as he says, "some people you get pints with, other people you get dinner with, she is a dinner person") , but she said she was going home for a few days, she offered to invite a mutual friend to their dinner, and then ghosted him for a few weeks.
I have to admit I've been feeling weird about the whole thing. He is the only one reaching out to her and she doesn't seem so keen to reconnect. I talked to him a few times about this, and he said that he was planning on being friends with her and meeting up regularly, like once a month.
I don't really know why I feel upset about this. I just don't understand why he feels the need to go back to his ex for friendship. Making friends is always hard, but why go to the only girl that makes me uncomfortable? I've expressed my discomfort and he doesn't understand why I'm feeling this way at all, and therefore doesn't want to do anything to make me feel better. He even asked what my friends thought about this, so I asked them, and they all agree it's a bit odd. He doesn't seem to care what they think because he is convinced he is right. He wants to work through it (how, I don't know) and get me ok with it because it's going to happen anyways. I don't want to be the girlfriend that forbids her boyfriend to meet up with people, obviously. But I just wish he would understand why this isn't my favourite idea in the world. I'm secure in the relationship, I don't personally think anything fishy is going on (I mean, I don't know), and the ex seems lovely.
I looked up articles online about how to be ok with your significant other being friends with their ex. I acknowledge that it is possible, some partners might feel completely ok with it. I am trying so hard to be ok with it, because I know that I have no rational reason to be upset. But there is always this pit in the bottom of my stomach whenever he mentions her/meeting up with her.
They are now getting lunch tomorrow with a mutual friend. Which is better than just the 2 of them, I guess, except I know this isn't what my boyfriend necessarily wanted. And it never would've happened if he hadn't mentioned it to the mutual friend, who made it happen.
Bottom line is, he doesn't want to budge on this. He doesn't see anything wrong with it and thinks I should just work on this and be ok with it. I'm lost. Am I overthinking? Should I just suck it up?
Submitted October 22, 2021 at 06:02AM by isthisonetakentoofml https://ift.tt/3vBGWMO
No comments:
Post a Comment