(22M) Got cancer at the same time my close friend (21F) got a BF, who happens to be threatened by me. I was cut off, and I’m not sure how to feel?

Hi guys, so yeah, I got diagnosed with cancer around June this year and naturally, really needed my friends more than ever. Now this girl has been a really good friend of mine for about three years, though we have a bit of a history. She’d rest her head on me and we’d support each other through the lowest of lows. But this year I had felt that she had drifted, which I understand is a natural thing to happen considering she’s met a guy she likes. But even when we would speak, it would be very condescending or cold, which made our infrequent interactions that much more unfulfilling. This came to a head when she tried to avoid visiting me in hospital. She still came, but only after coercion from a friend.

I won’t say I have no faults or have done nothing to prompt this kind of behaviour, this guy bought her a $2k gift on the second date (when they were still effectively strangers) which I found to be a big red flag, so I alerted her. Out of loyalty, looking out for her kind of thing. This turned out to be a horrible move and I basically lost the trust of that entire circle of friends. Even though I had good intentions, us having a history made it questionable. This I can understand.

This guy is self-proclaimed to be obsessive and toxic (seriously, he just says it), historically bad rep, and it’s corroborated, so I got worried. I’ve seen how toxic relationships play out and I know you can’t “fix” anyone unless they want to fix themselves. This guy is a narcissist “I don’t like not feeling important” but she sees zero fault in the man. I won’t delve too deep into it, I don’t want to character assassinate the guy, but my integrity was questioned to the point I basically became a pariah. Just three months earlier I was her closest friend, but it all changed very rapidly. The guy also had a problem with me, I can’t understate how threatened he felt.

As they made things official, I remained vocal about the weird vibes I got from the guy, which I was told was crossing boundaries. Suddenly every seemingly unrelated thing I said had some deeper meaning to it, despite my objections.

I tried to talk things through but everything was framed as my fault, which for the gift I accept the blame for. However when I tried to talk about the coldness or the lack of support during my affliction, I was made to feel like a nuisance. Again, this is someone who was family to me. I must emphasise that at no point through any of this did I engage in any kind of toxic behaviour, simply tried communicating as best I could.

Eventually, she cut me off. She still supports my content and views my stuff when I post it, but I miss my friendship with her. All this talk of me being a liar or deceitful hurt because she knows how vehemently against dishonesty I am. My dad was a liar. Part of me feels like she has changed, but maybe I just don’t get to see the better side of her anymore.

My confusion is this: was I wrong to speak ill of the boyfriend? Was it me that was in the wrong? Generally being the one that gets cut off means you’ve fucked up or been bad in some way. But from my perspective I’ve just tried to be a loyal friend. How do I move on from this?

Tl;dr friend starts to date toxic bf, cuts me off for warning her about him, wondering whether I’m wrong?

Submitted October 03, 2021 at 05:11PM by Ok-Explanation1079 https://ift.tt/3uAGT3y