My older sister divorced her husband one year ago, it was an extremely difficult thing for her to go through. The whole process of the divorce was very rough with her husband not taking it well, they became quite bitter and combative with each other which made the whole ordeal hard to cooperate. They cut each other off after the divorce was finalized and since then there's no speaking terms at all. They were together for 8 years and had known each other years before that, the divorce was very sudden to everyone on the outside as they seemed very close and inseparable from each other.
After the divorce, my sister began to discuss a coworker of hers; we'll call this guy Brian. They had known each other for a few years and had been friends, but more in a work sense. Brian was a little older than her, geeky-type guy; very quiet and mild-mannered. I had met the guy a couple times in passing and he seemed like a very easy-going dude but he could be quite awkward at times.
My sister starts talking about Brian a lot, to a constant degree towards a lot of the family. Any regular conversation she would find a way to include Brian some way, it became quite obvious she liked this man quite a lot. And at some point she did admit she had very strong feelings towards Brian, but she didn't know how to approach him about it. She found Brian to be quite a shy and apprehensive guy, not the easiest type to express feelings toward. Brian had been recently divorced as well, she fixated on this fact as a reason they should be together.
Her obsession with Brian grew stronger as time went on, he was the topic of practically all of her conversations. Any time I'd talk to my sister she would start obsessing over conversations they had and analyzing any interaction between her and Brian that "meant something". I tried to be supportive, thinking this would simmer down because I thought about it like an infatuation; it felt like she was discussing a high school crush or something. But it never did she kept going on and on. I got a bit tired and I told her it wasn't healthy to analyze everything they did together, I tried convincing her to just share her feelings with this man and see how it goes. If not, then try to move on.
This is where things become difficult. She has tried expressing her feelings towards Brian multiple times over the course of the year, and the same thing always happens. Brian explains he doesn't share the same feelings as her, he admits he likes her as a friend and nothing else. So every time this happens, my sister gets hurt; says she will move on, and then sometime in the near-future she starts obsessing over Brian again. It's an endless cycle.
I think Brian started out being nice and letting her down gently, but over time it started turning into blunt rejection when she started doing the same thing over and over again. But weirdly enough, they always start talking somehow afterwards. My sister has broken down a couple times, admitted that she doesn't need him in her life and she has said herself that he doesn't like her back the same way. Yet somehow the whole thing starts over where she obsesses over Brian and believes there's a chance.
This whole thing has developed into some really weird stalkerish undertones, where she says stuff like she needs to know where Brian is at all times, she also seems to know a lot about Brian's personal life; remembering really unusual details about him. She constantly sends him messages and keeps tabs on all of his social media accounts. I'm not really sure what Brian's perspective on this is, he's rejected her constantly but I don't know if he's ever told her to flat-out stop??
From what I've heard, Brian sounds like a pretty timid guy. It doesn't seem like he has strong boundaries himself. I think he also has communication problems and probably a little emotionally disconnected. It's gotten to the point where I'm pretty sure if my sister did this to anyone else, she would've been blocked a long time ago or even worse somebody else could've forced her to stop. So I'm not really sure what Brian's deal is, why he hasn't taken precautions into stopping her at this point; despite making it clear repeatedly he doesn't share her feelings.
My sister's behavior has concerned multiple times, including me. I've told her to stop this behavior and leave him alone, she listens and acknowledges in the moment yet somehow always starts doing it again. Family members have done the same thing, to no avail. Nobody can seem to get through to her, she seems to always go back to Brian.
What can I do to stop her behavior? I can tell this is not going to end well for her.
tl;dr: Recently divorced sister develops an infatuation with a male coworker, Brian. The infatuation becomes an unhealthy obsession, he doesn't share the same feelings. She has trouble acknowledging he doesn't share her feelings and it lead to an endless cycle of her obsessing over him.
Submitted October 05, 2021 at 11:12AM by zipperkonvict https://ift.tt/3oCLtx6
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