TLDR my SO says I love myself more than him and keeps comparing me to nasty characters on TV shows because I tell him I prioritize him on everything else except my family and my assets. I feel like I am losing it. What should I do?
I need help on what I am doing wrong or if this is a “him” problem.
He is upset that my parents hate him (they think he is controlling and abusive and while they don’t pressure me to leave him they are concerned and do not want anything to do with him). He thinks it is my responsibility to get them to come around - which he feels I should do something as drastic as refuse to see them until they accept him or cut down the frequency (i see them twice a month for like two hours and during holidays). He has gotten upset about me seeing them over holidays as well and has picked a lot of fights with me over it to the point where I get anxiety and avoid going to see them.
He is also upset because I continue to retain an asset that I share with an ex (I am on the deed but do not pay the mortgage/taxes) whom I rarely speak to. My SO wants me to convince my ex to sell the house or delete me off the deed (i had put money into the down payment) because he doesnt like that I am on the deed with another man which I get, and I have told him would try. My ex hasn’t responded to me so admittedly I am dragging my feet a little on this issue because it’s low priority for me as it doesn’t physically affect anything currently (eg, we are not planning on buying a house or anything).
For background I feel I have very little say in the relationship despite paying for 3/4 of all our finances and heavily involved in watching his kids. For example he will cite I am violating his boundaries if I suggest to him that yelling at or calling his teen names (they have a not good relationship currently) or constantly threatening him with consequences and comparing him to his younger brother isn’t effective and get super upset so I just avoid it now. Same with finances, if I express concern over his 7k in unpaid taxes from like 2014 or his 20k credit card debt I am “crossing a line”.
Today he told me because I “allow” my parents to exclude him and because i have not yet sold my house that I am “keeping my options open” (???) and have a astounding level of self preservation (???). And that I love myself more than him. When i tried explaining that everything else I do prioritizes him including quitting computer games because he didnt like it and seeing my family a lot less, and backing off even though I don’t agree with a lot of things he does, supporting him etc he accused me of being manipulative like some messed up religious character (Bev in midnight mass) in a tv show and pretending like I am a good person.
I just feel like he had a reason to be upset over my family and my house and i do feel bad i have not prioritized getting off the deed of my house, but I also feel upset that he accuses me of caring about myself more? It doesn’t feel right so I wanted a second opinion. He also accuses me of using therapy to manipulate things.
Submitted October 22, 2021 at 09:04AM by tatamagoo299393 https://ift.tt/3GdvRqk
No comments:
Post a Comment