My [28F] boyfriend [37M] barely contacts me due to his depression stemming from work, but he doesn't want to quit his job.

We've been dating for 5 years. 3 years were long distance. During that time it was difficult to contact him and he was already stressed from his job and being in a foreign country.

He came back last year, but due to his promotion and all the expectations put on him, he's been very stressed and depressed. Because of that he doesn't feel like/has a hard time doing anything. He doesn't often reply to my messages (usually he will reply within a week, but last month he didn't reply for 3 weeks) because he turns off all notifications on social media because it stresses him out more. I tried to get him to look at changing his job, but he is afraid to "throw away" all the progress he's made in his career until now. He actually posted his resume on recruitment sites and got good offers, but I think he's afraid of taking a risk and maybe ending up in a similar or even worse situation. He took antidepressants before which he said helped a bit, but the main problem is unresolved (his job), so it never goes away.

Also, when I asked him about the future recently, he said he never was interested in marriage (in general, not just to me) or living with someone else because he's really particular about things (he's never had a roommate before besides his parents when he was a kid).

I don't want kids, but we are from different countries, so I thought marriage would remove the stress of worrying about visas etc. as when I quit a toxic job several months ago I wasn't sure if I could find a new job in time (which is required to renew my visa). Also I wanted to live together to be close to him and spend more time with him. But at least while he is depressed, me wanting to have frequent contact with him seems to just make him feel pressured.

The first year we were together was great for me. He called me frequently (I didn't ask him to he just did it himself) and we met at least 1-2 times a month. I haven't seen him in 2 months now.

Whenever we are able to meet, I feel so happy with him. I find it hard to get close to people so I don't have a lot of friends. Maybe that makes me too dependent on him. It also makes me afraid that I can't find another person I can get along with as well as I do with him. Whenever other guys tried to hit on me or talk to me, it just felt like they were interested in my body or didn't really see me as a person/as I am and just saw me as they wanted to see me/projected their image of an ideal girlfriend on me. I also have chronic depression and anxiety which he knows about and accepts. He says he loves me, but both of us are starting to think our ideas of love are different.

I'm afraid to give up on the relationship because I love him so much and when we are together I'm so happy. But I'm also thinking that even if I support him and keep waiting for him, it's just a waste of time because the things we want are different. I don't want to give up, but I'm starting to think maybe we aren't compatible.

TL;DR: My boyfriend & I love each other, but he doesn't need as much contact as I do. He also doesn't want to live together in the future but I do. I don't want to end the relationship, but I'm wondering if maybe I have to due to our differences.

Submitted October 06, 2021 at 05:59AM by throwawayrl12345 https://ift.tt/3uPONX0