I'm 49M. I isolated for years to escape PTSD symptoms. My 49M BFF of 40+ years said come live with his fam in another State. He found me a job. He said his 52F wife can help me with her Masters in Psychology. No professional experience, but is near a Doctorate. I insisted each time no: I wanted a normal bro in law relationship, and to get on my feet. I trusted him completely.
Moved in; connected with everyone quickly. Soon, she starts probing my mental health, and psychoanalyzing me openly. I dodged most questions, but answered a few. I avoided telling her I didn't want therapy from her, and instead communicated with body language and distance. Instead of standing up, I withdrew from her. This soon became an issue, and I was asked to explain my withdrawal. I said I'm here to process, not get analyzed. My AFib is insane, and I'm socially exhausted. It came out that he hadn't told her that I didn't want mental help. Accepted, we continued on.
I'd say Hi, bring in the groceries, and help in her garden; but, I was losing connection with her, and the emotional distance widened. I stayed in my room more, left the house more. I blamed outside forces when asked to explain my behavior.
She became very annoyed and agitated that I wasn't "part of the fam". It became a blow-up issue 2 months in, with walls of text from her. I had great relations with him and the 2 sons, 7M and 18M, but I found her arrogant, pushy, and intrusive. She would shriek at her family . She would long hmm me each sentence the rare time I tried to chat.
She had great advise, she repeated, and was writing her thesis so everyone had to call her Dr. She diagnosed his mom as a narcissist, and he took it as fact. His mom doesn't take any bleep, but she's empathetic and wise. He went no contact with his mom; the diagnosis was a final nail. We were banned by wife from talking about it.
I found BFFs wife obnoxious, but didn't let on. Instead, I disconnected from her completely. 4 months in, a surprise in-law visit the next week got me moved out 4 months early. Leaving, she asked again why I withdrew. I'd answer when I got back home, I said. In text, she said I didn't have to. I silently took her up on it.
It was a major hardship moving back home, but I said nothing. I'd text BFF every now and then. The in-law visit had been canceled. I'd ask about the fam, and other topics of meaning; but, no answers came. He'd chit-chat, but he was walling off. After 2 months of this, I asked why he wasn't replying to personal questions. He didn't know what I was talking about. I sent screens of 10+ unanswered Q's sent since leaving. He didn't see questions. Anything with a ? is a question, I said. He didn't see urgency. They aren't urgent, I said, I'm just wondering why you ignore them. I couldn't get him to understand in a 2 hour voice call what I was asking him, but he wanted to know why I didn't reply to his wife. I lost it, and yelled that he wasn't acting like a friend, and told him why. We were always very close and intimate with personal business since we were kids. He said I was upset that another friend of 35 years died in Aug. No, I'm upset because we're not BFFs any more, and you don't want to talk about it. His wife wall texted me, so I told her what I thought of her.
Apparently, I'm the bad guy, and a bad guest. My network is small. He won't return property of mine that I need for closure. I'm tired of feeling shame that I could have done better. I was blamed for everything. I avoided conflict, deflected questions about my withdrawal, and didn't try hard enough to integrate with the family. Did I kill the friendship? Please put me in my place, or set me free of them.
TL;DR Moved in with BFF's fam in another State. I found his wife obnoxious, kept it to myself, and couldn't connect with her emotionally. This sparked an issue that led me back to my home State. My BFF then partially ghosted me, and I flipped out on him and his wife. He agreed to return property, but didn't. I am now fully ghosted.
Submitted October 23, 2021 at 11:51AM by CroMikey https://ift.tt/3B4X7U1
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