I[26] broke up with my angel of a girlfriend[25], possibly prematurely, and now am feeling incredibly remorseful.

Slight cross post with /r/offmychest.

As the title says, I broke up with my girlfriend a couple months back. I gave her little warning, and all in all it was done in a day. In hindsight, I probably came off as a douche for springing this on her out of the blue, but I really tried not to hurt her. I cannot say anything bad about her. She really is an angel.

To give you some background, we’d been together for about less than 2 years and she was my first true relationship. In retrospect, it was an awesome one. We’d never raised our voices at each other, never had screaming matches, etc. Sure we had our arguments here and there but nothing earth shattering. All signs pointed towards marriage in the near future.

At the beginning of this year, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be in a relationship anymore. I started listening to the voices around the internet about the inevitable failure of certain relationships. Of people cheating on each other, etc. My job being exponentially more stressful and me being me didn't find any outlet or talk to anyone about it, even my gf.

Furthermore, my future (job-wise) is a little hectic and could very well take me out of state, while she has very strong roots in the state we both live in currently. I thought I was doing us both a favor by ending it before it came to that hypothetical clash, but it may have been premature and ill-thought out. On a smaller scale, I was also feeling that “grass is greener on the other side”.

I know. I know. Terrible things to be feeling/thinking about and furthermore to give in to.

So that brings me to the present. My life’s been going downhill since then. Job sucks. I have very few friends. Zero social life. My health has declined. I’d almost be inclined to believe that karma is biting me in the ass.

I admitted to my father a week ago that I felt regret about what I did. It’s not easy for me to admit stuff like this since I always feel the tug of the “man-strong-do-not-show-emotions” stereotype. My father acknowledged my feelings that I was remorseful/regretful of the end of my gf and I's relationship. But he also mentioned it would be unfair to try and get back together with my ex since our outlooks on the future (me-uncertain, hers-probably marriage) are relatively unchanged.

I have been contemplating hitting her up (we haven't spoken in months but still follow each other on social media) to talk about what I'm feeling, and to tell her that I made a grave mistake in breaking up with her. But I have an overwhelming suspicion she won't forgive me (not that I'm looking for it), and won't take me back. Additionally, I doubt her family and friends will easily forget that I was the one that broke up with her in the first place. I want the pain to subside, but time isn't healing anything.

TL;DR: May have prematurely broken up with girlfriend and now feeling all sorts of regret/pain. Considering contacting her again but that may prove fruitless. What do?

Submitted October 10, 2021 at 05:20PM by wayofthethrow64 https://ift.tt/2YLv277